UNDULATING CURRENTS

This journey is not a plateau. Why do I keep thinking that I've arrived? I cling with all my might to these high places and am continually dismayed and surprised when the fog rolls in and my spiritual vision is cloudy. I've written before about the fight for joy. I'm struggling. I'm trying to fight but at times just want to get in bed and pull the covers over my head. I wake up in despair sometimes, for no reason. I'm sure I could go into an in depth analysis of why I feel like this now but I don't think you'd like to dive into that sea of melancholy and self-pity with me. My in-law's pastor, Tim Kirk, said that if we're naive about our enemy we will be left defenseless and vulnerable. I don't understand the enemy's gameplan against me personally but I do need to realize my weaknesses. I need to throw myself into this fight and realize the truth of Romans 8 ~ If God is for me, who can be against me.

John Piper has had more influence on my Christian life than any other person. For the next couple weeks I'm going to attempt to go through Piper's book, When I Don't Desire God-How to Fight for Joy. I believe Piper really gets to the root of what this journey is all about and how When I we are to relate to God and His word in a passionate and brutally honest way. There are no easy answers. In the foreward of the book he writes this ~

"When all is said and done, only God can create joy in God...To be satisfied by the beauty of God does not come naturally to sinful people...Therefore this book calls for deep and radical change-which only God can give."

I think one of the changes God wishes to work in me is to irrevocably separate my identity from my performance; to be thoroughly grounded in being a redeemed child of God. And so I will pray and I will fight with all the strength that God provides.

Oh Lord, may the eyes of my heart be bright with the glory of Christ. Remove every blinding obstacle, and show me your glory! And thus give me more joy than all the gladness that the world can give. And by this joy in Jesus Christ, fit me to love and serve and sacrifice. (adapted from John Piper)