CRAZY LOVE, THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS
It seems the same themes keep coming up in this book for me. I think it's very hard to get past the whole financial guilt trip trap if you're a suburban American reading this book. We've plowed this ground so many times in class that it's getting to be a broken record. Having money is not a sin. Loving money more than God is. But then Jesus compares a rich man going to heaven with a camel going through the eye of a needle. It's no use defining "rich"; anyone who lives in America is rich. But how have you set up your lifestyle here in America? Is your lifestyle causing you to spend more than you need to?
I'm realizing how personal these questions are and how it's not my place to step into someone else's life and answer these questions for them. I'm realizing that I like answering questions for other people instead of answering my own. It's a lot easier and whole lot less messy to look at someone else's life and decide that they don't need to spend money in this place or in that place. Looking at my own life is a different thing - especially if you're married. One spouse can't just decide to sell the house and move to Africa or start the process to become a foster parent. Both spouses need to have a shared vision.
But for what?
This is where I am with this book right now. There are a lot of questions.
I don't like that.
I would love to be able to answer all these questions and be positively sure that I am where God wants me to be. Since starting this book I have had a nagging feeling that I'm not doing enough.
"Not doing enough....not doing enough...." That's a tape that runs through my head a lot.
Is it false guilt from the enemy or real conviction? I don't know. And I don't like that "I don't know" feeling. It makes me feel less than with God; that I'm not pleasing Him.
The last chapter I read is filled with stories of people who are living in the way Francis Chan is talking about. Some are well known. Most are not. At the end he asks whether we're living a life worth writing about. That question bothers me. It stirs up the competitive spirit within me and I'm sure that's not godly. It makes me think about myself way too much and has me analyzing my life and my motives. I know what Chan is getting at, but I know there's got to be thousands and millions of Christians who are faithful, God-fearing folks who are just being obedient in the ordinary stuff.
I have an ordinary life, at least the way I see it. Am I supposed to go out and do something so outrageous that I can be written about after I die? Or what if......?
What if what I think is ordinary is really cowardly and lukewarm? And what I think is outrageous is really faithful and loving and powerful in the Spirit?
So many questions. I'm looking to Him.....He knows the way I take and He is able to keep me from stumbling and to present me blameless before the presence of His glory with great joy. (Jude).
3 comments:
This is interesting ~ and why I have had absolutely no desire to read this book from the first moment I heard about it. I have enough fears that I am not doing what I'm supposed to be doing without someone telling me that if I don't sell everything I own and live in a house that is too small for my family then I'm not really a Christian. (And just as an aside, I'd actually like to move to a smaller house, but that's a different topic.) As I say, I haven't read it, but based on quotes and things I've heard others say (as well as an article I read about the author), it seems like there is a lot of guilt-mongering, real or imagined, intentional or not. I don't think that everyone is called to the same things, and I think sometimes when Person X is called to something, he becomes so passionate about it that he exudes the idea that if you aren't called to it too ... well, actually that you ARE called to it too, but you aren't answering the call, and therefore, you aren't really a Christian, or certainly not one who is living for Christ.
I am also not crazy about the tendency of the Christian community to hop on a bandwagon of a certain author and decide that THIS is how we are really to live for Christ. And then, slowly, it fades over time and someone/thing new is embraced. (Prayer of Jabez, Purpose Driven Life, John Eldredge, etc., etc.) I certainly believe that there are people who God uses to teach others, including some of these, but I feel like maybe we don't rely enough on God's Word when we are so wrapped up in the hot Christian trend. (And please understand I am NOT saying that you are doing this at all!)
Wow, sorry for usurping your comments. Can you tell this is something I've thought about? ;-) I always enjoy reading what you write Meredith ~ very thought provoking.
Amanda,
Is this Amanda Yuzzi or Craig or neither? Sorry for the question, just couldn't tell :)
Thanks for the comments. Please don't think you're taking up too much space.
I agree with pretty much everything you're saying. While Chan takes great pains to say that this is should not be a guilt inducing thing, I think some people are wired to go there naturally, like me and you from what you said. I think he has some great points and valid criticisms of the American church though. And reading the book has helped me grow more intimately in my relationship with the Lord.
I totally agree with what you're saying about popular teachers/books. I tend to latch onto certain teachers and Tim is a great balance for me in that respect. There was one person I used to follow very closely and I found after a couple years that reading his stuff and listening to his messages tempted me to look down on other believers. The whole balance of Romans 14 and not judging others based on nonessential things continues to be a challenge for me especially in the areas of modesty, homeschooling, and women working outside the home. Yep, I'm telling on myself here :) But God is always teaching me and humbling me.
Anyway, thanks for the comments. If you are interested in dealing with your fears about what you're supposed to be doing I'd highly recommend a book by Jeff VanVonderen called Tired of Trying to Measure Up. It has really helped me live more freely in Christ. I still struggle with those lies running through my brain, but I'm walking much more freely with the Lord now than I was a couple years ago.
Blessings!! And thanks for reading!
Meredith,
Amanda Yuzzi. Growing up, I never knew another Amanda, so I always forget about how many of us there are, even in my own circles. ;-) Thanks for your response. I will take a look at the book you mentioned ~ sounds like something I would get a lot out of.
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