SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART an introduction

Today is the start of a book review of Ted Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart (SACH) by Karen, Lis and yours truly. Please continue to check back every Wednesday as we review this book on childrearing. Feel free to jump into the discussion either in the comments section or on your own blog.

One disclaimer - before we get started I want to encourage anyone who comments to do so in a respectful manner. We all have strong opinions when it comes to our children and how to raise them. (I'm raising my hand here!) Let's make sure our convictions and strong opinions line up with the word of God.

First off, I want to introduce myself and my family. My husband and I have been married 9+ years and have three children: J(boy) is 8, C(boy) is 5, and S(girl) is almost 4. For our whole married life, we've let God plan our family size. When I first had J, I was determined to be a good mother and I devoured anything I could find on the subject. I had little experience with babies and children and so my legalistic nature was naturally drawn to the Ezzo's material. I have, in the past several years, seen the error in a lot of their teaching. The other people who have influenced my parenting style are Elisabeth Elliot, her daughter Valerie Shepard, and Denise Glenn (Motherwise). I started out a very strict parent and had a lot of anxiety that I wasn't doing the right thing. There wasn't much joy in my relationship with my son in the beginning. Unfortunately, I think a lot of that was the result of the Ezzo's teaching. I was drawn to Ted Tripp's book because it seemed to be approaching the subject in a very different way - not only a biblical way but a less legalistic way.

The author has over twenty years experience as a pastor (Presbyterian), counselor, school administrator and father. On the back of the book there are blurbs of endorsement from Dr. David Powlison (Westminster Theological Seminary), Rev. John MacArthur, Dr. Edward Welch (Christian Counseling and Education Foundation), and Elisabeth Elliot.

In the Introduction, Mr. Tripp laments the state of parenting in our culture. He says there are basically two approaches to parenting in our culture today - 1. a self-absorbed style which throws off any idea of authority and 2. an "old 1950s John Wayne approach" which emphasizes a very strict authoritarian ideal. He says neither approach is working and the evangelical culture is nearly as lost as society at large. He then states that the situation is not hopeless; we need to return to the Bible which is our "only safe guide." The overview of his approach that will be outlined in the book can be summed up in this quote -

"The parenting task is multifaceted. It involves being authorities who are kind, shepherding your children to understand themselves in God's world, and keeping the gospel in clear view so your children can internalize the good news and someday live in mutuality with you as people under God."

The authority concept has never been a problem for me. My husband and I have always emphazied to our children that while we all live under God's authority, He has placed them under our authority. What I love about Mr. Tripp's approach is that he goes beyond the usual advice of all the parenting experts out there. We all know we're supposed to be in charge as parents but many times we "tend toward a crass kind of John Wayne authoritarianism..." He goes on to point out the importance of being a "benevolent despot" who communicates with your children and doesn't just tell them what to do. We must also incorporate the gospel into our parenting. Here's a quote that just blew me away --

"People frequently ask if I expected my children to become believers. I usually reply that the gospel is powerful and attractive. It uniquely meets the needs of fallen humanity. Therefore, I expected that God's Word would be the power of God to salvation for my children. But that expectation was based on the power of the gospel and its suitability to human need, not on a correct formula for producing children who believe."

He goes on to say that we need to not only hold forth God's standard, but also explain that this standard cannot be achieved apart from the good news of the gospel. To separate the Law from the gospel will only produce high achieving, well behaved lost children. This is a revolutionary idea for me. So often I can get stuck in my own prideful goals as a parent. Is my goal to have perfect children or children who have been molded and shaped by the transforming power of the gospel and grow to be mature, gracious young adults with whom I can feel a "wonderful sense of mutuality" as Mr. Tripp says.

I'm excited about this book. I am such a formula-hound. Does that make sense? I want to know the right way to do things. It's like I'm searching for just the right computer program that will spit out the right information. Parenting, and life for that matter, are not like that. May I lean on God's word for direction and revel in His marvelous grace towards me and my family.

Lord, I am such a Pharisee most of the time. Please forgive me and enable me, by the trasforming power of Your grace, to not only hold up the high standard of the Law but also lead my children to the Cross with its wonderful good news of forgiveness, redemption and restoration that will enable them to obey You, glorify You and enjoy You forever. In the name of Jesus and for His sake I pray, Amen.