RUNNING IS CHEAPER THAN THERAPY A couple Saturdays ago I went out on a long run with my husband. We don't usually run together because he's a bit faster than I am. But I thought I'd take on the challenge. I like challenges and running has given me lots of opportunities to take on new ones. So we strike out on a hilly course as the temperature creeps near 70. I'm doing fine and am surprised to see the pace on my watch as we get to mile 2: it begins with an 8! I don't do long runs at a pace that begins with an 8. But I'm okay and can still talk, a little bit. At this point I have some confidence but I'm still a little nervous because I know there's this monster hill in the second half of the run. There's lots of self-talk that goes on in the mind of a runner and at this point my self-talk box is mostly positive. Halfway through and the hill is looming large. I haven't run this hill in a long time, maybe a year or more. I'm curious about how I'm going to do. I like this challenge. I pound up this hill and leave my husband behind. I know he'll catch up to me after the hill crests but it feels good to "beat him"! More positive self-talk. However, this hill will not stop! Now the whining starts and my box is turning a bit negative, "I hate this hill! It's too hot!" Then I start thinking about running last year's US 10K Classic and how I ran that monster hilly course in an average pace starting with an 8. More negative chatter, "Why is this feeling so hard when I've run a harder course even faster?" My husband has caught up and the hill has ended. Now I'm feeling depleted and trying to keep his pace. More whining, "Wait, I thought running was fun? Why do I feel so bad?" By now the heat, the hills, and the pace are taking their toll. My fuel gauge is on empty and I'm getting that light-headed feeling. I think I have all the excuses I need to stop even though we still have a mile to go before getting home. So I gasp out to my husband that I'm going to stop at the next turn and walk it home. Phew! I'm done. Maybe. My sweet husband passes me but then turns around and comes back encouraging me to finish. I do finish, albeit at a lot slower pace. I even knock out the last little hill just because I hate that hill and want to be done. There's a t-shirt that reads, "Running is cheaper than therapy," and it is so true. Running will break you down mentally and show you how you think about yourself. On this run I learned how often I talk down to myself and how little I celebrate my running accomplishments. It's another variation on the common theme of my inner world: Not Good Enough. Praise God though that He is showing me this and provides for the solution in Christ. God, my Father, is the One who has redeemed me and defines me as His. I am free to take on these challenges in running, and life, without fear and celebrate the victories with thanksgiving to Him who has given me this gift of running. P.S. Thanks to Mike Karch, a finisher of the 2003 Badwater Ultramarathon, for the idea of the self-talk box. It came to him during one of the hallucinations he had while doing the race. He writes about it in Scott Ludwig's book, A Few Degrees From Hell. Now I have a new mantra: "Keep the box positive!"