IT IS FOR FREEDOM

This morning is the perfect time to think, meditate and blog. I woke up to rain falling gently outside. It hasn't rained like this for weeks. We're almost in a drought. There's nothing better than sitting outside on the porch, smelling the rain soaked air and sipping a hot mug of coffee.

Anyway, I've been struggling recently with fear. Mainly fear of homeschooling three children for the first time. I've been searching catalogs, trying to come up with schedules, reorganizing my homeschool room (dining room). I've been reading The Joyful Homeschooler by Mary Hood and You Can Teach Your Child Successfully (grades 4-8) by Ruth Beechick. And all the while I've gotten more anxious and fearful.

Last week I started reading a book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss called Lies Women Believe (and the truth that sets them free). I've known about this book for several years but never picked it up. I foolishly thought it couldn't help me. Wow, was I wrong. Very wrong. The most important and illuminating thing Nancy writes is this - "Beliefs produce behavior. What we believe will be seen in the way we live. Conversely, the way we behave is invariably based on what we believe to be true - not what we say we believe, but what we actually believe."

The first part of the book deals with lies women believe about God. She encourages us to ask God to reveal to us what lies we've believed. Sometimes we've subconsciously believed something for so long that it's hard to realize we've actually believed it. But if we look at our behavior, we can more easily identify the lies we're believing. I have been fearful, anxious and apprehensive about the upcoming school year. What has been at the root of that behavior? Lies about God. Even though I would say I believe in God's goodness, my behavior is not testifying to that. I've been aware of this struggle for awhile now, but I don't think I've really confronted it and fought it the way I should, the way Nancy encourages in this book. We have to confront these lies and fight them with the truth. So this morning I've been meditating on Psalm 121. It's short so I'll quote it here ~

"I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From whence shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever."

I have been looking for help in all the wrong places. Mary Hood and Ruth Beechick are wonderful, godly and wise women but - the Lord is my helper, He made heaven and earth. Why would I not look to the author, creator, originator and ultimate authority of all? This is not a rhetorical question. I want to be in control. This is the funny thing about homeschooling I think. We decide to homeschool because we want control of our children's education. But after we get started, if we're brutally honest, we realize that we're not in control at all. There are two options after we come to this point. We can try to continue to control everything, in vain. Or we can joyfully surrender control to Him. But that's scary. Why do I think it's scary? Well, for me it came down to believing a lie. Letting go of the control is scary for me because I've believed the lie that God isn't good, that God isn't worthy of my complete trust. I probably wouldn't have admitted that before, but remember, my behavior (anxiety, fear, worry) was the ultimate indicator of what I truly believed. Have I fully trusted and believed in His goodness towards me and our family? No. I'm ashamed to admit that. But look at the title of this post. It's for freedom that Christ has set us free (Galatians 5:1) The purpose of setting us free is that we will in actuality, in our daily lives, live in that freedom, walk in that freedom, experience that freedom. So I should fight against this lie I've believed so I can walk in the freedom that Christ bought for me with the sacrifice of His very body and blood.

So Psalm 121 is the weapon, the sword I'm using to fight. In reference to this psalm, Matthew Henry says we should, "...stay ourselves upon God as a God of power and a God all-sufficient for us." To counter the lie I will meditate on all this psalm proclaims about God's character toward His people, and towards me. He is my keeper. He does not slumber or sleep. The fact that God doesn't slumber or sleep is repeated in the psalm for emphasis. God is ever watchful, always keeping watch over us for our good. Matthew Henry says He is a "wakeful, watchful keeper." When the psalmist proclaims that God is our shade on our right hand, Henry says that shows God's "gracious condescension." He is always near to His people for their protection and refreshment, and never at a distance. At the end, the psalmist proclaims that God will guard(preserve, keep) your going out and your coming in from this day forth and forever. Believe in His ever present compassion and watchful benevolence. Really believe this. Keep this in your heart and at the front of your mind. The truth will set you free from fear and anxiety.

So I'm fighting and praying. I'm praying that instead of approaching this upcoming year with feelings of fear and apprehension, I will rest in the knowledge of His goodness towards us, towards me. I will fearlessly trust in His benevolent sovereignty. I will allow this belief to permeate and affect my behavior until I can look upon this upcoming year with joyful expectancy, really knowing and believing that God is at my right hand as my helper.