DELUDING MYSELF

On one of the early Basement Tapes, RC Sproul JR describes a time when he realized that it wasn't enough to just sign off on the Westminster Confession when the rest of his life was completely worldly. Ann V. has been talking about living a quiet life filled with simple obedience and appreciation of the little things. I've been thinking about these things too. I delude myself into thinking I'm "doing OK" when I write about surrendering myself to the Lord in every way and nod my head at others' posts but then go back to my real life and just go through the motions. I've also been thinking about humility. Andrew Murray wrote a little gem of a book called Humility that I bought for $3.99 at the local Christian store. I also just bought a book called The Valley of Vision which is a compilation of Puritan prayers. Reading just one of these prayers has brought me to my knees in repentance. Here's one titled Self-Deprecation ~

O Lord,
My every sense, member, faculty, affection, is a snare to me,
I can scarce open my eyes but I envy those above me, or despise those below.
I covet honour and riches of the mighty, and am proud and unmerciful to the rags of others;
If I behold beauty it is a bait to lust,
or see deformity, it stirs up loathing and disdain;
How soon do slanders, vain jests, and wanton speeches creep into my heart!
Am I comely? what fuel for pride!
Am I deformed? what an occasion for repining!
Am I gifted? I lust after applause!
Am I unlearned? how I despise what I have not!
Am I in authority? how prone to abuse my trust, make will my law, exclude others' enjoyments, serve my own interests and policy!
Am I inferior? how much I grudge others' pre-eminence!
Am I rich? how exalted I become!
Thou knowest that all these are snares by my corruptions, and that my greatest snare is myself.
I bewail that my apprehensions are dull,
my thoughts mean,
my affections stupid,
my expressions low,
my life unbeseeming;
Yet what canst thou expect of dust but levity, of corruption but defilement?
Keep me ever mindful of my natural state, but let me not forget my heavenly title, or the grace that can deal with every sin.

This leads me to a quote by my favorite author, John Piper, that I think is the best strategy for combating pride ~

"How shall this insidious motive of pleasure in being made much of be broken except through bending all my faculties to delight in the pleasure of making much of God! Christian Hedonism is the final solution. It is deeper than death to self. You have to go down deeper into the grave of the flesh to find the truly freeing stream of miracle water that ravishes you with the taste of God's glory. Only in that speechless, all-satisfying admiration is the end of self." from Future Grace

Amen and amen!!!! Now the trick is doing it. O Lord, please pour out your grace on this undeserving vessel that I may glory in Your beauty and majesty, that the light of Christ may shine through me.