SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART - the last installment

This will be the last review of Mr. Tripp's book. I appreciate Lis and Karen joining me for this review. Maybe we can do it again!? I have some other books in mind.

I'm going to review the last four chapters today which cover childhood and the teenage years.

Chapters 16-19
Childhood: Training Objectives & Procedures
Teenagers: Training Objectives & Procedures

Tripp says the childhood stage is between ages 5-12. The big issue in this stage, he says, is character development. Your job at this stage as a parent is to focus mainly on the underlying character issues that are driving your child's behavior. Whereas in the previous stage you were establishing your authority as a parent, in this stage you are building on that foundation in order to address the inner heart issues such as selfishness, pride, laziness, etc. What I found most helpful in these chapters was a concept of analyzing your children's behavior in three different dimensions ~ in relation to God, himself, and others. In using this tool I can analyze the the underlying nature of my child's behavior and shepherd his heart in the right direction instead of just laying down a bunch of rules for my convenience or for the sake of superficial peace in the house. Tripp recommends sitting down with your spouse on a regular basis to discuss the behavior and needs of your children. It's like an annual assessment. I think this is a wise thing to do. The chapter on procedures for childhood training focused mostly on addressing heart issues. Here Tripp continues to emphasize the necessity of getting to the root of behavior and appealing to your child's conscience through Scripture. If you never analyze behavior in this way you end up only addressing externals and run the risk of growing a sense of Phariseeism in your children. He also points out that parents need to think long-term when addressing behavior problems. If you think your five-year old's want of possessions is only natural and never address it as a form of idolatry and greed, this behavior will continue to grow and the child will have a more and more difficult time understanding the underlying heart issues of his behavior. When I read these chapters I was reminded of an old radio program of Elisabeth Elliot's called "Bringing Up Souls for God". You can find it here. I liked these two chapters for the most part. The only problem I had was that he was not very objective when it came to talking about education. His writing assumed a public/private school paradigm (his experience is as a Christian school administrator) and addressed the issues of how you can't always be with your children during this childhood phase. Speaking as a homeschooler, that is one of the main reasons why we homeschool - so our children will be in our home and under our influence and training for the majority of the time.

The next two chapters have to do with teenagers. Even though I don't have a teenager yet, I did glean much wisdom from these chapters. Tripp continues to unfold his theme of shepherding our children and building relationships with them. He argues that even though this phase of life is difficult for our children, parents do not need to resort to 'Survivor' tactics ~ outwit, outplay, outlast. (He didn't use the Survivor analogy but I thought it fit :) Building on the foundation of authority and character development Tripp continues to flesh out the shepherding process and what needs to be addressed in this stage. He mentions three points of emphasis ~ The Fear of the Lord, Adherence to Parental Instruction, and Disassociation from the Wicked. Running in and out of these themes is the importance of guiding your children in the context of honest, daily living - sharing Christ and your experiences in a way that will lead them to further internalize the gospel. In the area of training procedures, the result of all your training should be to raise up young adults who have a firm grasp of the gospel and its influence in their lives and a deep and abiding relationship with their parents that will continue to grow even after they leave home. Here is a quote from the last chapter that I think sums up everything Tripp has been saying ~

"Your heart's desire in every phase of childrearing is to see your children internalize the gospel. The desire in all your training, in all your entreaty, in all your correction and discipline, is to see your children come to the place where they have embraced the claims of Christian faith...Internalization is the fuition of all that we have considered...Internalization is your children coming to maturity as persons who know and worship God."

I only have two minor problems with the end of this book. The first problem has to do with his use of the word teenager. This may be minor to some but actually the concept of the teenager is new to the 20th century. I agree with those who have said that there's a danger in prolonging a sense of childhood when your 13-18 year olds should really be taking on a lot more responsibility. I don't think Tripp is guilty of this but I think it's an important issue. Go here to read Elisabeth Elliot's opinion.
The other problem I have has to do with an apparent contradiction in the last chapter. I may be stepping into deep theological waters here but that hasn't stopped me before. *grin* In the last chapter Tripp says that ultimately internalizing the gospel is the work of the Holy Spirit and no parent can produce that as a result of his labors. Then he says, "You labor, however, in the hope that God honors His covenant and works through means. While you dare not presume upon His sovereign mercy, you may labor with expectation that the gospel is powerful." A couple paragraphs later he says this though, "I have been asked, 'Don't you think that if you raise your children the right way, God has promised to save them?' If such a promise existed, it wouldn't comfort me. I haven't raised them well enough." While I appreciate Tripp's humility in this second quote I am left a little confused when I compare what he says to the first quote I listed. What does it mean when he says, "in the hope that God honors His covenant"? I'm assuming he's coming from a strong Reformed Presbyterian background so when I read this I thought he was referring to some notion that God was bound by some covenant to save the children of believing parents. So when I read the second quote that seemed to contradict what he was just saying about the covenant. I wished he would have elaborated on what he meant by the whole concept of covenant instead of just writing with the assumption that the reader had the same theological understanding and background.

Overall I'm glad I read this book and reviewed it. I think reviewing it helped me to further clarify my convictions in some areas and also helped me to not be afraid to disagree with an author and someone I respect. I am constantly tempted to become a "disciple" of the latest person I read or come to admire. I think I'm better now at chewing on someone's opinion, evaluating it according to Scripture and then internalizing the good and putting aside the things with which I disagree without guilt.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, I think I want to review another book in the future. For now though I'm going to work on a series of posts about the Little House books. I just finished reading the whole series to my kids (and to myself!) including the posthumously published The First Four Years and On the Way Home which is a diary of the Wilder family's move to Missouri. Having grown up with the TV series I was fascinated by the stark differences between the TV series and the books. The books win, hands down. I can't wait to write about the lessons we learned and share the little tidbits that some of you may not know about Laura's life.