SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART- part 3

Today we are continuing our book review of Sheperding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp. Joining me are Karen and Lis. I hope you will be encouraged by our discussion and join in with your comments as well!

Chapter 3 - Your Child's Development:Godward Orientation

In this chapter Mr. Tripp continues to explain the twofold process of shepherding: providing positive shaping influences and understanding the Godward orientation of your child's heart. His main point in this chapter is this - children are not morally neutral; they are worshippers. They either worship God or idols; there are only two choices. What determines whether our children respond to God in faith and obey or reject God and follow their own desires (which is idolatry)? Mr. Tripp contends that the determining factor is the fear of the Lord. He quotes Proverbs 9:7-10 to make his point.

"Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."

I need to believe Scripture and what it says about human nature. Tripp quotes Psalm 58 and Psalm 51 where it says that we are sinful at birth, sinful from the time we are conceived. Do I believe this? I think this is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. Am I going to believe what the inerrant, holy Word of God says about human nature or be a syncretist and kind of believe it and then mix in some of the world's popular humanistic philosophies? My friends, the evidence of what you believe will play out in your parenting. To say you believe the Word but then parent in a way contrary to what it says means that you don't really believe! I am like the man who cried out to Jesus, "I believe, help my unbelief." Thank You Lord for Your unending streams of mercy which pour out on this feeble mother.

Who will we worship? Who will our children worship? This is serious stuff. Tripp says, "I am interested in helping parents engage in hand-to-hand combat on the world's smallest battlefield, the child's heart. You need to engage your children as creatures made in the image of God. They can find fulfillment and happiness only as they know and serve the living God." This is a battle, but I need to remember that the weapons of this warfare are not carnal. I cannot make my children fear the Lord. This is something that only the Lord can work deep into my children's hearts. So I pray, I get on my knees, I cry to my Father who created these little ones and wove them together. Here are some thoughts of Mr. Tripp that I will start turning into prayers -

"Dear God, make my children into men and women who respond to life out of a living relationship with You. May they love You with all their heart and find their orientation not in the shaping influences of life but in the unfailing love and covenant mercies of God. Please work in and around our efforts as parents and our children's responses to make them people who know and honor You."


Chapter 4 - You're in Charge

This is where I stopped reading the book a couple months back because it got to the point where I was getting really convicted and conveniently found another book to read! Sound familiar anyone? Obviously this chapter is concerned with authority-whether we will take seriously the authority we have been given over our children by God. Tripp says, "As a parent, you have authority because God calls you to be an authority in your child's life...You may not try to shape the lives of your children as pleases you, but as pleases Him." Ouch. And, "Parenting goals are often no more noble than immediate comfort and convenience." Double ouch. Tripp's main point in this chapter is that when we realize the biblical mandate we've been given to be authorities in our children's lives, our goals and objectives will be clear, and we will have freedom and confidence to act as their shepherds. We are not to freelance as parents. We have been given clear direction as to what God desires for families in Deuteronomy 6 - He desires multigenerational faithfulness. This can only happen when we follow God's design and implement His ways in our families.

I totally agree with this concept but struggle with knowing the right way to implement it. I want to point them to God in all things. I don't want to discipline them just so I can get on with my agenda. I want the Word to be a pervasive influence in our home. I get caught up when I feel like I'm lecturing my children. I want them to know that their sin is displeasing to God, not just a displeasure or an annoyance to me. But I don't want them to see God as a taskmaster meeting out punishment for the least infraction. This is where grace comes in. Law and gospel. Showing them their sin but then pointing them to the cross where the life giving blood of Christ is available to cover them and wash them and make them clean. I need wisdom to point them away from the broken cisterns and to the Fountain of Life. Tripp does a great job in making the first point but I wish he spent more time in emphasizing the grace part. He does mention it, just not enough for this mom. At the end he says, "Your objective in discipline is to move toward your children, not against them. You move toward them with the reproofs and entreaties of life. Discipline has a corrective objective. It is therapeutic, not penal. It is designed to produce growth, not pain."

In the end, I need the wisdom to balance both things, to go further in discipline to show my children that obedience leads to life and fulfillment. One without the other is dangerous and robs my children of the full gospel that has the power to transform them forever.