GOING BACK TO THE ALTAR AS A LIVING SACRIFICE
I had another unwanted visitor this month. Although some used to call me fertile Myrtle, especially after the first was born 10 months after the wedding, that name has certainly ceased to apply. When I tell some about wanting to get pregnant they say, "Oh, so you're trying?" "No, it's not like that," I tell myself. We have always let the Lord do what He wanted to do concerning the size of our family. The hard part comes when you have to deal with not knowing or understanding what He is doing with the size of your family. Three wonderful, beautiful children in nine years. We are thankful and we are blessed. And yet, every month for the past six months at least I've had to come to the place of surrender...again and again. Yesterday I asked the Lord to speak His word to me to comfort me and assure me of His love and of His kind intentions. While doing laundry I began to think of the psalm for that day - Psalm 25. Specifically verses 4-5 came into my thoughts: "Make me know Thy ways, O Lord; teach me Thy paths. Lead me in Thy truth and teach me, for Thou art the God of my salvation; for Thee I wait all the day." I had prayed that as a prayer to Him. Now He was answering it. His path for me this month is not to be pregnant. This is the way He wants for me right now. To want something else would be to nullify my prayers, to go back on what I have expressed as my desire - to know His ways, to be led in His truth. I was immediately comforted. Later that night I was at choir/orchestra rehearsal and this song was being sung and acted out in drama - The Potter's Hand. It captured the essence of what I need to do each day and each month whether I'm pregnant or not.
The Potter's Hand
lyrics - Darlene Zschech
Beautiful Lord, wonderful Savior
I know for sure all of my days are held in Your hands
Crafted into Your perfect plan.
You gently call me into Your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life
Through Your eyes.
I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know You're drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray.
Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's Hand.
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's Hand.
4 comments:
Oh, Meredith, I could have written your post so many times over--but not as eloquently and as beautifully as you did.....you are so a woman after God's own heart. I sadly and too often go to the altar stomping and pouting...your act of surrender is such a testimony...words fail to express how grateful I am for your post...
Ann holyexperience
Thought I'd share one of my favorite poems with you. I keep a copy next to my computer.
http://pages.globetrotter.net/fabien/Eng/poet22.html
I hope it encourages you as much as it does me.
Blessings~Lis
Meredith~
Your heart is so sweet and tender. I am sorry your longing was not fulfilled this month. I have had different circumstances to trust the Lord, with the unexpected death of our infant son and then to miscarry during the following pregnancy. And then feeling I had to explain the age span between my two oldest living children. I know it's difficult when it doesn't make sense. It sounds like you are leaning into the Lord, but I will pray for you also. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Roberta :)
Ann, you are too generous in your comments, thank you. However we come to the altar, the important thing is that we come. That is where the work needs to be done. I am not always willing but the Lord is gracious and compassionate in drawing me to that place and giving me a willing and teachable heart. All praise goes to my Father, my Potter.
Lis, I know that poem well. Actually I had hears the words of the title many years ago from the mouth of Elisabeth Elliot. I got a book of Amy Carmichael's poems a couple years ago and I read that poem during our family's time of unemployment. This is what I wrote under the text of the poem dated 5/8/02 -
Peace in the midst of suffering comes not from denying the pain or working through it or pretending it doesn't hurt or being bent low under it. But in accepting the suffering and experiencing all it brings with the knowledge of the One who brings it, is there in it and will bring you out of it - therein lies peace.
Thanks for reminding me of it.
Roberta, thanks for your prayers.
Blessings. I'll be offline until at least next Wednesday. We're going on our first family vacation since 1998 - Whoo-hoo!
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