THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER SOMEWHERE, BUT DEFINITELY NOT HERE

Several years ago when I was first exposed to the thoughts of those at the Highland Study Center, something started happening in my heart - that creeping feeling of discontentment. For the longest time, the enemy had me wishing wishes like this, "If only you could move there, or to another place similar, then you will have arrived. Then you would have the friends you want, the church you want, the community you want." Of course, I would push away those wishes and continue in the life I was living, but inside I couldn't shake that gnawing feeling of discontentment. And the enemy convinced me that the discontentment I was feeling was a sign from God that we should leave, whether that meant leaving our church, our neighborhood or even our state. "The grass is soooo much greener over there, Lord," I would say in my heart.

What followed was a continuous sense of disappointment in whatever I desired to have but felt like I couldn't have right where I was - deep relationships in a like-minded community, a church that was credo-Baptist and reformed. So in my mind and especially in my heart, if I could just take a little of what Doug Phillips had and mix in some Highland Study Center and John Piper, then I'd be content.

Now this feeling is nothing new with me. I'm a melancholy, after all. I'll throw a pity party over anything really. And nothing would inspire me to throw one more than the state of my relationships. I'm ashamed to admit how many times I've cried to God about how no one wants to be my friend, and people just don't have the same convictions as I do, and why doesn't anyone ask me to go for coffee. Woe is me, I'd think.

I love the people at HSC, the people at VisionForum and John Piper. Lord willing, someday I'll meet them all. I've been sharpened over and over by what I've read and listened to. They are all doing a mighty work for the kingdom and I pray God's blessings on them. But listen friends, it's one thing to be sharpened by other godly Christians in other places, but it's a whole other thing to allow the enemy to use that sharpening to create discontentment and self-pity in my heart. Elisabeth Elliot is right on target when she says that self-pity is demonic. I looked down on the place God had placed me. I looked down on the relationships He had put in my path. I thought they weren't good enough. So until lately, I never invested a nickel in what was at my doorstep because I thought it was somehow beneath me. When I see it written down in black and white, it's obvious to me how prideful and arrogant it is. But I couldn't see it. I thought I was being wise but in reality it was what James calls earthly, unspiritual and demonic. (see James 3:13-18)

So what's different now? Well, I've gotten off my soapboxes and surrendered my desires to my Father. By His grace, I've repented of my pride and arrogance in relationships. He has humbled me with His word and gently opened my eyes to things, to people I've neglected. I've given my desires for community and relationships to Him and asked Him to show me how to cultivate that right where He's placed me. The good life can be cultivated where I am if I just believe God and obey. Last night was the beginning of an answer to that prayer. I met with two other women for prayer. These are two friends who have come into my life in different ways. One has been there for many years. I've neglected that relationship, until recently. One is a friend that God has placed in my life in such a wonderfully sovereign way. She and her husband have decided to pull their children out of public school in order to homeschool them. We have discussed many things close to my heart and recently I borrowed a book from her - When You Rise Up. Last night's prayer meeting was very special. And if we had moved somwhere else, I would have missed out on this. Thank You Lord that You have stripped away the prideful assumptions and arrogant expectations I've had. Thank You that You are making the grass greener right here, where You have planted me. Keep fertilizing the soil and may I be blessed to see the abundant harvest that springs forth. To You alone be the glory and honor and praise.

Here's a lyric from Rich Mullins that summarizes a little of what God's been teaching me -

from Brother's Keeper

My friends ain't the way I wish they were/they are just the way they are/I will be my brother's keeper/not the one who judges him/I won't despise him for his weakness/I won't regard him for his strength/I won't take away his freedom/I will help him learn to stand/and I will, I will be my brother's keeper