RANDOM MUSINGS

It's been raining a lot here. That puts me in a melancholy mood. Actually it's not hard for me to get in one of those moods if you know what I mean. I decided to cancel school for today because I stayed up until after 1AM doing laundry and ironing and didn't get up until 8:30. The kids proceeded to watch too much TV and I struggled the whole morning with some sort of allergy that made me sneeze constantly until I took my generic Claritin. I'm also rather down because we're still not pregnant. I was really hoping this would be the month but I guess it was not meant to be this time. I'm having a hard time with this among other things. When you tell someone that you don't use birth control they automatically assume that you're going to have a zillion kids. Well, that hasn't happened for us. We have three kids and have been married almost nine years. I've gone through periods where I've been nervous about having more but now I just want another baby so badly that God is revealing to me that I'm making it an idol in my life and I need to lay it down and trust in His loving providence. I feel I can't tell most of my friends around here my feelings about this because most would think that three kids is more than enough. To compound matters I have been caught in Satan's comparison trap for too long out here in the blogosphere. Let me try to explain. It seems that I constantly compare myself to fellow prairie muffins out there. I think I'm not good enough unless I have six or more kids. I get down when I hear people explain their homeschooling methods which are far more extensive and organized. I am even afraid to admit some of the things my family does (like watch too much TV for one) because I feel like a failure in that area. One more thing. I was reading Cindy's blog at Dominion Family and she had written a post about the proper care and feeding of infants. That sent many to comment. I was blown away that so many PMs use the methods that I once thought were no-no according to Babywise/GKGW. I'm realizing that there are many different families out there all using different methods but all striving to glorify the Lord in what they do and how they raise their children. The legalist in me so desires one method, one way of doing something that will always result in success. Note to self- THAT DOES NOT EXIST. (Goodness, why does a three year old have to struggle with turning her shirt around because it's on backwards!! Argh!!) The legalist in me also wants that so I have something to judge others by. O wretched woman that I am. Help. I need some encouragement. PLEASE!

Blessings.
Please feel free to comment by clicking on my name at the bottom of the post. I've been feeling rather lonely lately :(