WATERMELON WISDOM

I think I'm finally learning an important lesson in life - be yourself. For years I've tried to make my life a copy of someone else's. Not in every way mind you. Just in certain areas like prayer, scheduling, disciplining my children, and keeping my home. I cannot tell you how many "kits" I've bought to help me in these areas and how many books I've read that I thought had the only solution out there. Here's a partial list ~

Peter Lord's prayer handbook
Becky Tirabassi's method
Ted Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart
Flylady
Emilie Barnes More Hours in My Day
Managers of Their Homes

I'm sure I could list more. These methods and the people who developed them are great. The problem is I failed in implementing every single one of them. I'd be consistent for about two weeks and then fall off the wagon. Why? Am I an undisciplined failure? No. These methods are great and they work for the people who've developed them and for a lot of people who have implemented them for themselves. They just didn't work for me. My problem was not in implementation or discipline. My problem has been that I've been looking for that one quick solution for all these areas of my life. I haven't been looking to God and asking for His wisdom in managing my home, my prayer life, and my children. I am unique. Becky Tirabassi's prayer method didn't work for me because I don't like to write out my prayers. Emilie Barnes' method wouldn't work for me because I don't like being that organized.

What I'm learning right now is that I need to seek the Lord first. He created and designed me and my family for His purposes. I need His wisdom most of all. Reading all these books is not bad. Asking for wisdom from other people is not bad. But I need to be discerning when I read and figure out what will work for me and what won't - and don't feel guilty about it. My latest book? The Joyful Homeschooler by Mary Hood. I like the book and reading about her approach to homeschooling has freed me up from some stress and pressure I've been feeling. But I'm not going to copy her implementation. It's worked for her but that doesn't mean it's the only right way. I'm going to finish the book and take what will work for me and put aside the rest.

"But beyond this, my son, be warned: the writing of many books is endless, and excessive devotion to books is wearying to the body. The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person." Ecclesiastes 12:12-13

Read this post from the ladies at Choosing Home for more of the same thoughts.

PLEASE PRAY FOR THIS FAMILY

Jenny Ewing, a homeschooling mom and speaker to our local support group, was attacked and murdered while riding her bike on a popular bike trail in our area. Go to this link to read the story. Even though I never met her or had the chance to hear her speak, she was an inspiration to our group and to her family. Thank you for praying for her, her family, and the quick apprehension of the person who committed this crime.

IT IS FOR FREEDOM

This morning is the perfect time to think, meditate and blog. I woke up to rain falling gently outside. It hasn't rained like this for weeks. We're almost in a drought. There's nothing better than sitting outside on the porch, smelling the rain soaked air and sipping a hot mug of coffee.

Anyway, I've been struggling recently with fear. Mainly fear of homeschooling three children for the first time. I've been searching catalogs, trying to come up with schedules, reorganizing my homeschool room (dining room). I've been reading The Joyful Homeschooler by Mary Hood and You Can Teach Your Child Successfully (grades 4-8) by Ruth Beechick. And all the while I've gotten more anxious and fearful.

Last week I started reading a book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss called Lies Women Believe (and the truth that sets them free). I've known about this book for several years but never picked it up. I foolishly thought it couldn't help me. Wow, was I wrong. Very wrong. The most important and illuminating thing Nancy writes is this - "Beliefs produce behavior. What we believe will be seen in the way we live. Conversely, the way we behave is invariably based on what we believe to be true - not what we say we believe, but what we actually believe."

The first part of the book deals with lies women believe about God. She encourages us to ask God to reveal to us what lies we've believed. Sometimes we've subconsciously believed something for so long that it's hard to realize we've actually believed it. But if we look at our behavior, we can more easily identify the lies we're believing. I have been fearful, anxious and apprehensive about the upcoming school year. What has been at the root of that behavior? Lies about God. Even though I would say I believe in God's goodness, my behavior is not testifying to that. I've been aware of this struggle for awhile now, but I don't think I've really confronted it and fought it the way I should, the way Nancy encourages in this book. We have to confront these lies and fight them with the truth. So this morning I've been meditating on Psalm 121. It's short so I'll quote it here ~

"I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From whence shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever."

I have been looking for help in all the wrong places. Mary Hood and Ruth Beechick are wonderful, godly and wise women but - the Lord is my helper, He made heaven and earth. Why would I not look to the author, creator, originator and ultimate authority of all? This is not a rhetorical question. I want to be in control. This is the funny thing about homeschooling I think. We decide to homeschool because we want control of our children's education. But after we get started, if we're brutally honest, we realize that we're not in control at all. There are two options after we come to this point. We can try to continue to control everything, in vain. Or we can joyfully surrender control to Him. But that's scary. Why do I think it's scary? Well, for me it came down to believing a lie. Letting go of the control is scary for me because I've believed the lie that God isn't good, that God isn't worthy of my complete trust. I probably wouldn't have admitted that before, but remember, my behavior (anxiety, fear, worry) was the ultimate indicator of what I truly believed. Have I fully trusted and believed in His goodness towards me and our family? No. I'm ashamed to admit that. But look at the title of this post. It's for freedom that Christ has set us free (Galatians 5:1) The purpose of setting us free is that we will in actuality, in our daily lives, live in that freedom, walk in that freedom, experience that freedom. So I should fight against this lie I've believed so I can walk in the freedom that Christ bought for me with the sacrifice of His very body and blood.

So Psalm 121 is the weapon, the sword I'm using to fight. In reference to this psalm, Matthew Henry says we should, "...stay ourselves upon God as a God of power and a God all-sufficient for us." To counter the lie I will meditate on all this psalm proclaims about God's character toward His people, and towards me. He is my keeper. He does not slumber or sleep. The fact that God doesn't slumber or sleep is repeated in the psalm for emphasis. God is ever watchful, always keeping watch over us for our good. Matthew Henry says He is a "wakeful, watchful keeper." When the psalmist proclaims that God is our shade on our right hand, Henry says that shows God's "gracious condescension." He is always near to His people for their protection and refreshment, and never at a distance. At the end, the psalmist proclaims that God will guard(preserve, keep) your going out and your coming in from this day forth and forever. Believe in His ever present compassion and watchful benevolence. Really believe this. Keep this in your heart and at the front of your mind. The truth will set you free from fear and anxiety.

So I'm fighting and praying. I'm praying that instead of approaching this upcoming year with feelings of fear and apprehension, I will rest in the knowledge of His goodness towards us, towards me. I will fearlessly trust in His benevolent sovereignty. I will allow this belief to permeate and affect my behavior until I can look upon this upcoming year with joyful expectancy, really knowing and believing that God is at my right hand as my helper.

WHY WE'RE STAYING PT. 2

I realized that in my last post I neglected to mention why we love our church. And we do! We've been members for ten years. I've been a Christian for almost fifteen years and before we came to JFBC I had never attended a church for longer than two years. My husband and I did not get married at JFBC. The church where we met went through a sort of "split" over issues concerning the pastor's integrity. So when we left and started looking for a new church one thing we were looking for was a pastor who was honest and accountable. That was probably the main reason we were drawn to JFBC. Southern Baptist churches rarely have elders. Usually the church hierarchy is composed of deacons and the pastor. One of the reasons we left our previous church was because the deacons just became "yes men" to the pastor. When Bryant Wright was called to pastor JFBC (he's been the only pastor), he and others were convicted that we needed to have elders and more accountability. We greatly admire our pastor for his conviction and willingness to go against the grain if he feels its biblical. He will side with the Bible over tradition every time and we respect him for that. He also has a great marriage and his children have grown into responsible, godly young men. His oldest is also a pastor at JFBC.

We've also been blessed by the way our church handles conflict. I've never known of any sort of "gossip campaigns" going around. If there's a problem with someone who needs to undergo church discipline, it's done in a biblical and discreet manner. Also, when my husband was unemployed for over a year, we were constantly amazed at the support we received from various areas in the church from my women's bible study to the pastoral care staff to the church orchestra.

Like I said in the previous post, we're not perfect and no church is. But we are blessed to be members at JFBC and Lord willing, we'll be able to continue there for a long time.

WHY WE'RE STAYING

I started thinking about this post a long time ago. Throughout the past couple years there's been a temptation in me to long for another church. When I read about other people's churches online or read about conferences uniting church and family it stirs up a restlessness for more. When I listen to others preach, those who hold more Reformed convictions, I have been tempted to grumble at what I get every Sunday.

But Philippians 2 says to do everything without grumbling or complaining. And Ephesians 4 says to bear with one another with gentleness and love. And most of all, I think I'm just reflecting a worldly attitude of consumerism when it comes to church. What is the church after all? It is the body of Christ. Who is the head? Christ, not me. The church is not flawless yet. And yet I keep looking for that whitewashed tomb, that perfect place where everyone holds the same convictions and raises their children perfectly. That doesn't exist. I belong to a "real" church; a church which contains many different people with a lot of different convictions. There are Calvinists there. There are Arminians. There are people who don't know what those terms mean. We have hymns, we have praise songs. We have an organ, we have loud guitars and drums. We have a homeschool group and we have a pastor who sent all his kids to public school. There are things we do that I like and things we do that I wish were different.

My husband and I have been at this church for ten years. All our children have grown up in this church. We have seen our church grow through two building campaigns and from two to five services every Sunday. At times, I have wished we were somewhere else. But not now. The most powerful thing I've learned from being a member at our church these past ten years is humility and the need to love one another. My purpose is not to, as Oswald Chambers said, pour myself into my own doctrines. My purpose is to learn how to live and love in this soon to be perfected body of Christ, His church. I shouldn't be surprised or disappointed that the local body to which I belong is flawed. It was the same when Paul was writing to the early churches. He told the Galatians to restore those who are caught in transgressions. He told the Ephesians to bear with one another and forgive one another. He told two women in the Philippian church to mend their differences. He told the Corinthians to expel a member caught in grievous sin. You get the idea.

Every church is flawed and imperfect because it contains flawed and imperfect people. (And maybe the things I see as "flaws" are not really flaws at all.) This is where I am to put into practice my faith. This is where I am to grow in humility, gentleness and love and so fulfill the law of Christ.