GOING BACK TO THE ALTAR AS A LIVING SACRIFICE
I had another unwanted visitor this month. Although some used to call me fertile Myrtle, especially after the first was born 10 months after the wedding, that name has certainly ceased to apply. When I tell some about wanting to get pregnant they say, "Oh, so you're trying?" "No, it's not like that," I tell myself. We have always let the Lord do what He wanted to do concerning the size of our family. The hard part comes when you have to deal with not knowing or understanding what He is doing with the size of your family. Three wonderful, beautiful children in nine years. We are thankful and we are blessed. And yet, every month for the past six months at least I've had to come to the place of surrender...again and again. Yesterday I asked the Lord to speak His word to me to comfort me and assure me of His love and of His kind intentions. While doing laundry I began to think of the psalm for that day - Psalm 25. Specifically verses 4-5 came into my thoughts: "Make me know Thy ways, O Lord; teach me Thy paths. Lead me in Thy truth and teach me, for Thou art the God of my salvation; for Thee I wait all the day." I had prayed that as a prayer to Him. Now He was answering it. His path for me this month is not to be pregnant. This is the way He wants for me right now. To want something else would be to nullify my prayers, to go back on what I have expressed as my desire - to know His ways, to be led in His truth. I was immediately comforted. Later that night I was at choir/orchestra rehearsal and this song was being sung and acted out in drama - The Potter's Hand. It captured the essence of what I need to do each day and each month whether I'm pregnant or not.
The Potter's Hand
lyrics - Darlene Zschech
Beautiful Lord, wonderful Savior
I know for sure all of my days are held in Your hands
Crafted into Your perfect plan.
You gently call me into Your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life
Through Your eyes.
I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know You're drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray.
Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's Hand.
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's Hand.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART - book review
This, I believe, will be the fifth installment of a review of Ted Tripp's book Shepherding a Child's Heart. Please join Karen, Lis and myself as we discuss this wonderful book on training up our children.
Chapter 7 - Discarding Unbiblical Methods
Last week we talked about goals and what they should be in raising our children. Tripp contends that we should be training our children to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. But how do we go about doing this? What is the method? The next two chapters cover this very question. I'm glad he started with goals and then went on to methodology. I think I've always tended to seek out the right method first. Tripp states in this chapter, "the method is as important as the objectives...here, as in the area of goals, we must identify and reject the non-biblical approaches that vie for our attention. Biblical goals require a biblical approach-only godly methodology will bring glory to God." We may have biblical goals but use unbiblical methods to get there. He always, without shame or excuse, brings the issue back to the Bible. I really appreciate that. He obviously believes that the Bible is sufficient for our task as shepherds.
In this chapter he enumerates and elaborates on a host of unbiblical methods. As I read these I found myself identifying with the ways I try to manipulate my children's behavior unbiblically. See if you can identify with these ---
I Didn't Turn Out So Bad
This is the method which, without reflection, adopts the previous generation's methodology with the excuse that it didn't hurt them.
Pop Psychology
This is a big one. I'm surely guilty of perking up my ears anytime I hear Dr. Dobson or Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura or Dr. so-and-so speaking of using a fool proof method to control or improve your child's behavior. I guess, in the beginning of parenthood I was so caught up in the method; which one would give the best results. Even though I was a Christian, I very often unquestioningly bought into the latest method without really measuring it up to Scripture. Tripp attacks one of the most popular methods out there - bribery and contracts. The deal is you give your child a bribe or make a contract with him/her in order to get the desired behavior. You can't see it but I'm raising my hand at this point. Our oldest gets an allowance but it's conditioned on him getting his chores done for the week. I've caught myself many times trying to motivate him to do his laundry so he will get the money. Tripp says these methods and this motivation is purely superficial and doesn't get to the root, to the heart of what we are really teaching our children. In this method, the heart is being trained to value self-interest above all else. What was eye-opening to me is that whatever method you choose to use, the heart is being trained in something. Ouch!
Behavior Modification
This one struck me as similar to the experiment with Pavlov's dogs. Our children are not animals. They are wonderful human beings created in the image of God with eternal souls. In the past I've liked to think that training a dog is similar to training a child. I now think this is very wrong. After reading Tripp I've been sobered to the reality that everything I do as a parent will shape and mold my children's hearts and affections. Everything I do will paint a picture for them of who God is. I can't imagine that the way I relate to and train a dog would teach the dog how to respond to God. Children are so much more precious and fragile. We are involved in serious, heavenly business here - not just trying to get Fido to walk on the leash and sit when you tell him to. Tripp says that even if your method works, the underlying message that is being learned is not always worthy. If we follow a method of behavior modification we will teach our children to do things for improper motives. What is the motive they should have?
Why should they behave? Because it honors Him. And "He honors those who honor Him (1 Samuel 2:30)." This should be their incentive and the reward they look forward to as a result of their obedience. Talk about antithesis!
Emotionalism
This one saddens me when I see it in myself and others. It makes children feel responsible for making their parents happy. "Oh, I'd be so happy if you ate your broccoli. It really makes me sad when you disobey me. Do you want to make Mommy sad?" Tripp mentions another way emotionalism is used - the hallowed time-out. It's interesting because he doesn't even use the words time-out. He calls it a means of emotional privation. He argues that a time out does nothing to address the heart issues of your child biblically. I don't think he's totally ruling out time-outs but just the kind which never addresses the heart issues and just leaves the child alone. We use time-outs in our family. I think they are effective in some instances. Read this for what I think is a great example of using "time-outs" effectively and biblically.
Punitive Correction
This method has to do with just handing out a punishment without ever addressing the real issue. Tripp highlights the popular use of grounding. One of the points he made was, "grounding is not designed to do something for the child; it is designed to do something against him." This is important I think. Your methods need to center around not just correcting behavior but shepherding the heart as well.
Erratic Eclecticism
This is the approach which just picks and chooses from the methodology buffet. Whatever is popular at the moment will be used. When it stops working, another method is chosen. Not only is the method never measured up to Scripture, but the children are left confused and the parents are continually frustrated.
At the end of the chapter Tripp evaluates all these unbiblical methods. First of all he says that all these methods are superficial and will result in superficial children who never understand what is really driving their behavior. Also, "addressing the child's heart unbiblically plays to the corruption of his heart as an idolater and provides him with functional idols around which to organize his life." Secondly, in using unbiblical methods, you never get to the cross where you as a parent have the holy responsibility and unspeakable privelege of bringing them the gospel message - they are sinners in desperate need of a Savior. We shouldn't just want our children to behave well on the outside. That will only produce good little Pharisees. And we all know what Jesus said to the Pharisees. Only the power of the gospel can truly change our children from the inside out and produce a young man or young woman who trusts in Christ and honors Him in all they do. Finally, by not addressing the deeper issues of your children's hearts, you unknowingly produce distance between yourself and your children. Children see through the manipulation and the expedient methods of controlling their behavior. They will eventually come to resent it. This is sobering.
Embracing Biblical Methods: Communication
The next four chapters begin laying out the two biblical methods Tripp believes should be involved in childrearing - rich, full communication and the rod. He will spend three whole chapters on communication and only one on the rod. He finds these two methods in the book of Proverbs, more specifically Proverbs 23:13-19, 22, 26. He says, "The use of the rod preserves biblically-rooted parental authority... [and] the emphasis on rich communication prohibits cold, tyrannical discipline." God has been showing me lately how I've left out the communication aspect. This means rich dialogue not lecturing. I've always known and believed that the rod should be used. But I think I've gotten confused because I haven't, until recently, been in the practice of weaving that together with rich communication and entreaty; really drawing out my children and addressing the deeper heart issues with them. (A warm thank-you goes out to Ann who I believe helped me understand these deeper heart issues which have been revolutionizing the way I parent even before reading this book. This chapter just resonates even more because of what you have said Ann.) As I read this chapter I realized that the last couple months I've been practicing this kind of rich communication with my oldest son who is 8. It has been so rewarding to step back and help him understand the underlying heart issues of his behavior. This is the son who just got baptized but has possessed faith in Christ for several years. Most of the rewarding times come while we are schooling. Yesterday he wasn't wanting to do his work. Actually this is the one thing we struggle with the most. Instead of getting frustrated or yelling or resorting to some sort of bribe, I was able to engage him in a discussion about biblical diligence. This, I strongly believe, should be our main argument for homeschooling. Last night he wanted to ask me some questions but was afraid he would disrespect me. After assuring him that I wouldn't get mad and he could ask me anything he wanted, he began to describe to me his inner thought life when I tell him to do things he doesn't want to do. It was more than enlightening. When he gets a little boo-boo and I tell him not to make such a big deal about it, he told me he thinks angry thoughts toward me like, "What did you do when you were a child and got a boo-boo?" (said in a sarcastic and disrespectful tone) I was then able to help him realize that everyone has those thoughts and we need to combat them with the truth of God's word, not just think about something else. I was able to continue teaching him that there is battle going on in our minds and the only true and sure weapon is Scripture. I also admitted to him that somtimes I have those thoughts and so he's not alone in this battle. Praise God that He is showing me the deeper struggles of my children and how I can lead them to the Cross - the only sure refuge from sin and death, the only place where power is available by the blood of Christ to be free to glorify and enjoy God forever.
It tells me of a Savior's love,
Who died to set me free;
It tells me of His precious blood,
The sinner's perfect plea.
O, how I love Jesus,
O, how I love Jesus,
O, how I love Jesus -
Because He first loved me!
This, I believe, will be the fifth installment of a review of Ted Tripp's book Shepherding a Child's Heart. Please join Karen, Lis and myself as we discuss this wonderful book on training up our children.
Chapter 7 - Discarding Unbiblical Methods
Last week we talked about goals and what they should be in raising our children. Tripp contends that we should be training our children to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. But how do we go about doing this? What is the method? The next two chapters cover this very question. I'm glad he started with goals and then went on to methodology. I think I've always tended to seek out the right method first. Tripp states in this chapter, "the method is as important as the objectives...here, as in the area of goals, we must identify and reject the non-biblical approaches that vie for our attention. Biblical goals require a biblical approach-only godly methodology will bring glory to God." We may have biblical goals but use unbiblical methods to get there. He always, without shame or excuse, brings the issue back to the Bible. I really appreciate that. He obviously believes that the Bible is sufficient for our task as shepherds.
In this chapter he enumerates and elaborates on a host of unbiblical methods. As I read these I found myself identifying with the ways I try to manipulate my children's behavior unbiblically. See if you can identify with these ---
I Didn't Turn Out So Bad
This is the method which, without reflection, adopts the previous generation's methodology with the excuse that it didn't hurt them.
Pop Psychology
This is a big one. I'm surely guilty of perking up my ears anytime I hear Dr. Dobson or Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura or Dr. so-and-so speaking of using a fool proof method to control or improve your child's behavior. I guess, in the beginning of parenthood I was so caught up in the method; which one would give the best results. Even though I was a Christian, I very often unquestioningly bought into the latest method without really measuring it up to Scripture. Tripp attacks one of the most popular methods out there - bribery and contracts. The deal is you give your child a bribe or make a contract with him/her in order to get the desired behavior. You can't see it but I'm raising my hand at this point. Our oldest gets an allowance but it's conditioned on him getting his chores done for the week. I've caught myself many times trying to motivate him to do his laundry so he will get the money. Tripp says these methods and this motivation is purely superficial and doesn't get to the root, to the heart of what we are really teaching our children. In this method, the heart is being trained to value self-interest above all else. What was eye-opening to me is that whatever method you choose to use, the heart is being trained in something. Ouch!
Behavior Modification
This one struck me as similar to the experiment with Pavlov's dogs. Our children are not animals. They are wonderful human beings created in the image of God with eternal souls. In the past I've liked to think that training a dog is similar to training a child. I now think this is very wrong. After reading Tripp I've been sobered to the reality that everything I do as a parent will shape and mold my children's hearts and affections. Everything I do will paint a picture for them of who God is. I can't imagine that the way I relate to and train a dog would teach the dog how to respond to God. Children are so much more precious and fragile. We are involved in serious, heavenly business here - not just trying to get Fido to walk on the leash and sit when you tell him to. Tripp says that even if your method works, the underlying message that is being learned is not always worthy. If we follow a method of behavior modification we will teach our children to do things for improper motives. What is the motive they should have?
Why should they behave? Because it honors Him. And "He honors those who honor Him (1 Samuel 2:30)." This should be their incentive and the reward they look forward to as a result of their obedience. Talk about antithesis!
Emotionalism
This one saddens me when I see it in myself and others. It makes children feel responsible for making their parents happy. "Oh, I'd be so happy if you ate your broccoli. It really makes me sad when you disobey me. Do you want to make Mommy sad?" Tripp mentions another way emotionalism is used - the hallowed time-out. It's interesting because he doesn't even use the words time-out. He calls it a means of emotional privation. He argues that a time out does nothing to address the heart issues of your child biblically. I don't think he's totally ruling out time-outs but just the kind which never addresses the heart issues and just leaves the child alone. We use time-outs in our family. I think they are effective in some instances. Read this for what I think is a great example of using "time-outs" effectively and biblically.
Punitive Correction
This method has to do with just handing out a punishment without ever addressing the real issue. Tripp highlights the popular use of grounding. One of the points he made was, "grounding is not designed to do something for the child; it is designed to do something against him." This is important I think. Your methods need to center around not just correcting behavior but shepherding the heart as well.
Erratic Eclecticism
This is the approach which just picks and chooses from the methodology buffet. Whatever is popular at the moment will be used. When it stops working, another method is chosen. Not only is the method never measured up to Scripture, but the children are left confused and the parents are continually frustrated.
At the end of the chapter Tripp evaluates all these unbiblical methods. First of all he says that all these methods are superficial and will result in superficial children who never understand what is really driving their behavior. Also, "addressing the child's heart unbiblically plays to the corruption of his heart as an idolater and provides him with functional idols around which to organize his life." Secondly, in using unbiblical methods, you never get to the cross where you as a parent have the holy responsibility and unspeakable privelege of bringing them the gospel message - they are sinners in desperate need of a Savior. We shouldn't just want our children to behave well on the outside. That will only produce good little Pharisees. And we all know what Jesus said to the Pharisees. Only the power of the gospel can truly change our children from the inside out and produce a young man or young woman who trusts in Christ and honors Him in all they do. Finally, by not addressing the deeper issues of your children's hearts, you unknowingly produce distance between yourself and your children. Children see through the manipulation and the expedient methods of controlling their behavior. They will eventually come to resent it. This is sobering.
Embracing Biblical Methods: Communication
The next four chapters begin laying out the two biblical methods Tripp believes should be involved in childrearing - rich, full communication and the rod. He will spend three whole chapters on communication and only one on the rod. He finds these two methods in the book of Proverbs, more specifically Proverbs 23:13-19, 22, 26. He says, "The use of the rod preserves biblically-rooted parental authority... [and] the emphasis on rich communication prohibits cold, tyrannical discipline." God has been showing me lately how I've left out the communication aspect. This means rich dialogue not lecturing. I've always known and believed that the rod should be used. But I think I've gotten confused because I haven't, until recently, been in the practice of weaving that together with rich communication and entreaty; really drawing out my children and addressing the deeper heart issues with them. (A warm thank-you goes out to Ann who I believe helped me understand these deeper heart issues which have been revolutionizing the way I parent even before reading this book. This chapter just resonates even more because of what you have said Ann.) As I read this chapter I realized that the last couple months I've been practicing this kind of rich communication with my oldest son who is 8. It has been so rewarding to step back and help him understand the underlying heart issues of his behavior. This is the son who just got baptized but has possessed faith in Christ for several years. Most of the rewarding times come while we are schooling. Yesterday he wasn't wanting to do his work. Actually this is the one thing we struggle with the most. Instead of getting frustrated or yelling or resorting to some sort of bribe, I was able to engage him in a discussion about biblical diligence. This, I strongly believe, should be our main argument for homeschooling. Last night he wanted to ask me some questions but was afraid he would disrespect me. After assuring him that I wouldn't get mad and he could ask me anything he wanted, he began to describe to me his inner thought life when I tell him to do things he doesn't want to do. It was more than enlightening. When he gets a little boo-boo and I tell him not to make such a big deal about it, he told me he thinks angry thoughts toward me like, "What did you do when you were a child and got a boo-boo?" (said in a sarcastic and disrespectful tone) I was then able to help him realize that everyone has those thoughts and we need to combat them with the truth of God's word, not just think about something else. I was able to continue teaching him that there is battle going on in our minds and the only true and sure weapon is Scripture. I also admitted to him that somtimes I have those thoughts and so he's not alone in this battle. Praise God that He is showing me the deeper struggles of my children and how I can lead them to the Cross - the only sure refuge from sin and death, the only place where power is available by the blood of Christ to be free to glorify and enjoy God forever.
It tells me of a Savior's love,
Who died to set me free;
It tells me of His precious blood,
The sinner's perfect plea.
O, how I love Jesus,
O, how I love Jesus,
O, how I love Jesus -
Because He first loved me!
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
ESCAPE FROM THE INSIPID
Last night I was staying up late surfing the 'net - usually a bad idea for me especially since my husband had already went to bed. But God was merciful, tremedously so. I was perusing a book about Jonathan Edwards online. I found it here. I had also left the TV on after the Braves won and the show Everybody Loves Raymond was on. The episode was about the wife's parents getting separated and I was kind of paying attention to it but mainly because of the stark contrast it offered between what they portrayed and what I was reading about Edward's life and family. As I read about Sarah Edwards, how she cared for her husband and 11 children while entertaining and taking in friends and missionaries, how one of their daughters responded to personal tragedy, how they lived out the Christian life, etc. all I could think of were these words -- insipid, vacuous, vapid, inane. O Lord how banal this culture is! How easily its poison enters my soul and makes me indifferent to sin and weak in prayer! Do you ever feel like not praying for people or things in the world that you know you should? You know you should be moved by these things, to pray deeply for them, and for God's glory to be known - but you just don't feel like it. I've had seasons like that for years. I had always wondered why. I think, for me, a lot of it has to do with the poisonous effect this culture has on my soul. I am distracted from the eternal by silly entertainments which promise some sort of soul satisfaction. What a lie!! Last night God was showing me this. So I got up and went to fill a container full of water at the refrigerator. This was a gallon container and the water comes out slowly from my water dispenser so I had time just to stand there. Right in front of my face was a sort of gallery of pictures. For the last two years I've put up pictures friends and family have sent us for Christmas. This has been a way for me to remember to pray for them. Suddenly I was deeply moved to pray for these people - relatives, friends and their children - and myself; confessing my sin of worldliness and pleading with God to give us all an eternal vision, the right priorities, to purify our hearts' affections. This is why I go through seasons of weak prayer I believe - my heart is dull, there's a cover, a film over it. My spirit has been numbed by exposing myself to and drinking of the world's inanities - and sometimes finding it entertaining. O Lord have mercy on me.
"O Lord, I long to transcend this culture with its banal, empty trivialities which so often capture my heart's attention. Incline my heart to You. May I love what You love. Cut away this film over my heart which clouds my affections. Have mercy. For the sake of the glory of Your name and according to Your everlasting lovingkindness shown in Christ, Amen."
Last night I was staying up late surfing the 'net - usually a bad idea for me especially since my husband had already went to bed. But God was merciful, tremedously so. I was perusing a book about Jonathan Edwards online. I found it here. I had also left the TV on after the Braves won and the show Everybody Loves Raymond was on. The episode was about the wife's parents getting separated and I was kind of paying attention to it but mainly because of the stark contrast it offered between what they portrayed and what I was reading about Edward's life and family. As I read about Sarah Edwards, how she cared for her husband and 11 children while entertaining and taking in friends and missionaries, how one of their daughters responded to personal tragedy, how they lived out the Christian life, etc. all I could think of were these words -- insipid, vacuous, vapid, inane. O Lord how banal this culture is! How easily its poison enters my soul and makes me indifferent to sin and weak in prayer! Do you ever feel like not praying for people or things in the world that you know you should? You know you should be moved by these things, to pray deeply for them, and for God's glory to be known - but you just don't feel like it. I've had seasons like that for years. I had always wondered why. I think, for me, a lot of it has to do with the poisonous effect this culture has on my soul. I am distracted from the eternal by silly entertainments which promise some sort of soul satisfaction. What a lie!! Last night God was showing me this. So I got up and went to fill a container full of water at the refrigerator. This was a gallon container and the water comes out slowly from my water dispenser so I had time just to stand there. Right in front of my face was a sort of gallery of pictures. For the last two years I've put up pictures friends and family have sent us for Christmas. This has been a way for me to remember to pray for them. Suddenly I was deeply moved to pray for these people - relatives, friends and their children - and myself; confessing my sin of worldliness and pleading with God to give us all an eternal vision, the right priorities, to purify our hearts' affections. This is why I go through seasons of weak prayer I believe - my heart is dull, there's a cover, a film over it. My spirit has been numbed by exposing myself to and drinking of the world's inanities - and sometimes finding it entertaining. O Lord have mercy on me.
"O Lord, I long to transcend this culture with its banal, empty trivialities which so often capture my heart's attention. Incline my heart to You. May I love what You love. Cut away this film over my heart which clouds my affections. Have mercy. For the sake of the glory of Your name and according to Your everlasting lovingkindness shown in Christ, Amen."
Saturday, May 21, 2005
OF BAPTISMS AND BREADMAKING
About a month ago I mentioned that our oldest would be getting baptized in May. Well, last Sunday was the day - May 15th. Over 20 children, ages 1st-5th grade participated in this family baptism service which our church has dubbed "Footsteps". The chapel was completely full with parents, grandparents and friends of the children being baptized. Both sets of grandparents had travelled from out of town to witness our 8yo son testify to his faith in Christ. It was a very special and glorious time standing with our extended family and two other children singing to the Lord and celebrating along with these children. I was amazed at the composure and joy of our son as he spoke of his faith in his video testimony and without fear, went under the waters to give a living portrait of Colossians 2:12, "having been buried with Him in baptism, in which you were also raised up with Him through faith in the working of God, who raised Him from the dead." You see, our son still doesn't really know how to swim. He hates putting his head under the water. He doesn't want to take swimming lessons. But there was absolutely no fear leading up to his baptism. Not one word of being nervous. Just joyful anticipation at having the chance to tell everyone that he loves Jesus. All praise and thanksgiving go to our God for working in his little heart in this way.
"O Lord Jesus, continue to grow our son in the grace and knowledge of You. May he always treasure the day of his baptism and grow in his love for You. Thank You for the way You have worked in him and will continue to work in Him. Your lovingkindness is indeed everlasting."
Well, I got my Nutrimill. The last two weeks I've been perfecting my breadmaking and the results have been very encouraging and very yummy. I went up to Breadbeckers and purchased a 6 gallon, 45 pound bucket of hard white wheat which I'm hoping will last me at least six weeks. The cost for the bucket was $24. I also finally investigated a local source for raw honey. There is a farm of sorts located right down the road from us which advertises raw honey, goats for sale, fresh eggs and other things. Understand this about our area - every available patch of land seems to be snatched up for development but this little patch of heaven, as I discovered, is still safe. Right off a busy four lane road, their property is still pristine and like something from 50 years ago when the whole area was farm land. The family who owns the property is one of the oldest families in the area. They even have a middle school named after one of their ancestors, I guess because they sold the county some of their land. Anyway, I was very pleased to meet the wife of owner of this property. She said that her sister-in-law lives right next door and sells the fresh eggs. You just come down and do business on the honor system. So I think I'll be purchasing my honey and maybe my eggs from these fine people. OK, back to the breadmaking. I love kneading the dough. Yesterday I began to think about the way the Lord kneads us and shapes us and how we must allow the leaven to work its way through the whole lump. It's been wonderful for me to see how God can "speak" through these simple things and show us the spiritual analogies. Now, if I could only get a green thumb! I'm off to taste my newest baking experiment, cinnamon honey rolls. Here it is, right next to the laptop, I'm getting ready to bite into it.......and.......needs a lot more honey! LOL! I'll have to put a lot of cream cheese icing on these to get my family to eat them. Oh well, second time will be better I expect.
Blessings.
About a month ago I mentioned that our oldest would be getting baptized in May. Well, last Sunday was the day - May 15th. Over 20 children, ages 1st-5th grade participated in this family baptism service which our church has dubbed "Footsteps". The chapel was completely full with parents, grandparents and friends of the children being baptized. Both sets of grandparents had travelled from out of town to witness our 8yo son testify to his faith in Christ. It was a very special and glorious time standing with our extended family and two other children singing to the Lord and celebrating along with these children. I was amazed at the composure and joy of our son as he spoke of his faith in his video testimony and without fear, went under the waters to give a living portrait of Colossians 2:12, "having been buried with Him in baptism, in which you were also raised up with Him through faith in the working of God, who raised Him from the dead." You see, our son still doesn't really know how to swim. He hates putting his head under the water. He doesn't want to take swimming lessons. But there was absolutely no fear leading up to his baptism. Not one word of being nervous. Just joyful anticipation at having the chance to tell everyone that he loves Jesus. All praise and thanksgiving go to our God for working in his little heart in this way.
"O Lord Jesus, continue to grow our son in the grace and knowledge of You. May he always treasure the day of his baptism and grow in his love for You. Thank You for the way You have worked in him and will continue to work in Him. Your lovingkindness is indeed everlasting."
Well, I got my Nutrimill. The last two weeks I've been perfecting my breadmaking and the results have been very encouraging and very yummy. I went up to Breadbeckers and purchased a 6 gallon, 45 pound bucket of hard white wheat which I'm hoping will last me at least six weeks. The cost for the bucket was $24. I also finally investigated a local source for raw honey. There is a farm of sorts located right down the road from us which advertises raw honey, goats for sale, fresh eggs and other things. Understand this about our area - every available patch of land seems to be snatched up for development but this little patch of heaven, as I discovered, is still safe. Right off a busy four lane road, their property is still pristine and like something from 50 years ago when the whole area was farm land. The family who owns the property is one of the oldest families in the area. They even have a middle school named after one of their ancestors, I guess because they sold the county some of their land. Anyway, I was very pleased to meet the wife of owner of this property. She said that her sister-in-law lives right next door and sells the fresh eggs. You just come down and do business on the honor system. So I think I'll be purchasing my honey and maybe my eggs from these fine people. OK, back to the breadmaking. I love kneading the dough. Yesterday I began to think about the way the Lord kneads us and shapes us and how we must allow the leaven to work its way through the whole lump. It's been wonderful for me to see how God can "speak" through these simple things and show us the spiritual analogies. Now, if I could only get a green thumb! I'm off to taste my newest baking experiment, cinnamon honey rolls. Here it is, right next to the laptop, I'm getting ready to bite into it.......and.......needs a lot more honey! LOL! I'll have to put a lot of cream cheese icing on these to get my family to eat them. Oh well, second time will be better I expect.
Blessings.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART - Chapters 5 and 6
Please join me and my friends Karen and Lis as we continue to review Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp.
Chapter 5 - Examining Your Goals
Both chapters this week are concerned with goals. What are your goals as a parent? What is the end product you're striving for? When I became a parent for the first time at the age of 24 I know I hadn't thought about this question at all. I was in awe and afraid, but probably not for the right reasons. I was an Ezzo newbie and all I could think about was how to implement the "system". The overarching goal of raising this little one in the nurture and admonition of the Lord so he would glorify God and enjoy Him forever was not even on the list unfortunately. Tripp states that all parents have goals, even if we don't realize it. He then goes forward to list several unbiblical goals.
1. Developing special skills- this has to do with involving your children in a whole host of activities so they will master many different skills and I guess come out "well-rounded" in the end. Tripp asks many pointed questions about this approach. The bottom line is, what is your goal? And is this method successful in getting you there? What is the biblical definition of success anyway?
2. Psychological adjustment- You can see this approach touted on any number of covers of the latest parenting magazines. Self-esteem, self-worth, self-whatever are the buzzwords. Tripp says, "They promote the latest pop psychology - all tailored to insecure moms and dads. These gurus promise to teach you how to build self-esteem in your children. Have you noticed that no books promise to help produce children who esteem others?" Wow, talk about antithesis. The first year of my first child's life I received a subscription to Parents magazine. I politely refused a renewal of that subscription because I found it was mostly unbiblical plus it tempted me to pride and arrogance. Tripp encourages us to keep asking questions. Are these other methods biblical? What passages of Scripture direct you toward the goal of psychological adjustment?
3. Saved children- Now we come to a more noble goal but Tripp eschews this one as well. While we all want our children to be saved, to come to a knowledge of Christ as Savior and Lord, this goal can have its pitfalls too. Tripp says this goal becomes unbiblical when all we focus on is getting our children to pray a certain prayer and then leave it at that. "They think that if their child would get saved, all the problems of living would be solved." He tempers this issue by stating two facts: 1. You can never know with absolute certainty whether your child is saved; and 2. A child's profession of faith in Christ does not change the basic issues of childrearing. The child still requires the same training. I really appreciated this point. I can get caught up in bringing my child to a moment of decision and then forget about the daily business of training them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. This is hard work folks, work that requires getting down and dirty so to speak with your child and their heart attitudes. It requires the strength and grace of Christ working through us as parents. It requires lots of prayer.
4. Family worship- I appreciated this point as well. He states that sometimes our goal can be empty ritual. While family devotions are valuable, if the principles taught during devotions are not lived out in the dailies of living, it is useless.
5. Well-behaved children- I think all of us can relate to this one. We just want our children to obey. Why? Why do we want our children to have manners, speak pleasantly and treat others with respect? So we can look good? So they'll leave us in peace? Tripp rather bluntly states, "I'm certainly not down on well-behaved children. Yet, having well-behaved children is not a worthy goal. It is a great secondary benefit of biblical childrearing, but an unworthy goal in itself." He explains that good behavior needs to have biblical motivations. If not, teaching good behavior has no eternal significance.
6. Good education- My sister works for a company called College Coach. She counsels parents and their children about how they can get into the best schools and beef up their qualifications. Getting a good education is seen as the golden ticket to success and fulfillment. Those of us who homeschool are not immune to this temptation. Yesterday I was on a classical homeschooling website and felt feelings of guilt that I wasn't exposing my children to the "right" subjects at the "right" time with the "right" materials, according to their method. Tripp says, "It is possible to be well-educated and still not understand life."
7. Control- The last unbiblical goal Tripp mentions is probably the most convicting. A lot of times, we as parents just want to control our children's behavior for our own personal convenience and public appearance. OUCH!
So what is the proper goal? Tripp states that the only worthy biblical goal in parenting is to teach your children what their purpose is - to glorify God and enjoy Him forever - and to nurture and admonish and train them with this in mind. He says that most of the time we are teaching our children to exist in the present culture on its terms with a little Bible sprinkled on top. Here is a convicting paragraph -
"How do we do this? We pander to their desires and wishes. We teach them to find their soul's delight in going places and doing things. We attempt to satisfy their lust for excitement. We fill their young lives with distractions from God. We give them material things and take delight in their delight in possessions. Then we hope that somewhere down the line they will see that a life worth living is found only in knowing and serving God."
We need to not send mixed signals. All of the content of their everyday lives must fit our objective of teaching our children to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
Chapter 6 - Reworking Your Goals
This chapter is a logical outworking of the last where he further examines the unbiblical goals stated in chapter 5 in light of Scripture. I won't go into as much depth here, but not because his points didn't convict. His points are making me rethink the things our family does and the activities our children are involved in. He continues to encourage parents to ask questions about what they're doing and what they're allowing their children to do. These points could have come straight out of the Basement Tape on Deliberate. One question I'm struggling with though is the issue of gymnastics class for my younger children. I enrolled my daughter for the physical benefits because she has struggled with muscle tone problems. She is getting stronger every day and I'm pleased with the benefits. I enrolled my middle child, a boy, because I saw that he enjoyed tumbling and jumping all over the house. From day one he has loved his class and I see many benefits from his participation in the sport - he focuses better and follows detailed instructions well. I also like that his coaches are men who enjoy playful roughhousing with their boys and at the same time teach them discipline. The question Tripp would ask me I think would be this, "Are your children being taught gymnastics from a biblical worldview or a worldly, secular one? Are they learning to depend more on their own abilities instead of thanking and praising God for the gifts and talents He has given them?" The gym we go to is one that has all the Olympic level apparatus. As students progress they can join teams and compete. This can take up a lot of their time and a lot of their parents' money. My son is only 5 but I already see the pressure and competitive drive in some of the kids and their parents. According to Tripp, it seems then that certain sports could be off limits. I'm still thinking about this. Even if I end up disagreeing with Tripp's conclusions I do appreciate his way of always pointing parents back to Scripture and encouraging them to evaluate everything they do through that lense.
Feel free to comment and discuss. Share your thoughts and struggles so we can encourage one another. Blessings.
Please join me and my friends Karen and Lis as we continue to review Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp.
Chapter 5 - Examining Your Goals
Both chapters this week are concerned with goals. What are your goals as a parent? What is the end product you're striving for? When I became a parent for the first time at the age of 24 I know I hadn't thought about this question at all. I was in awe and afraid, but probably not for the right reasons. I was an Ezzo newbie and all I could think about was how to implement the "system". The overarching goal of raising this little one in the nurture and admonition of the Lord so he would glorify God and enjoy Him forever was not even on the list unfortunately. Tripp states that all parents have goals, even if we don't realize it. He then goes forward to list several unbiblical goals.
1. Developing special skills- this has to do with involving your children in a whole host of activities so they will master many different skills and I guess come out "well-rounded" in the end. Tripp asks many pointed questions about this approach. The bottom line is, what is your goal? And is this method successful in getting you there? What is the biblical definition of success anyway?
2. Psychological adjustment- You can see this approach touted on any number of covers of the latest parenting magazines. Self-esteem, self-worth, self-whatever are the buzzwords. Tripp says, "They promote the latest pop psychology - all tailored to insecure moms and dads. These gurus promise to teach you how to build self-esteem in your children. Have you noticed that no books promise to help produce children who esteem others?" Wow, talk about antithesis. The first year of my first child's life I received a subscription to Parents magazine. I politely refused a renewal of that subscription because I found it was mostly unbiblical plus it tempted me to pride and arrogance. Tripp encourages us to keep asking questions. Are these other methods biblical? What passages of Scripture direct you toward the goal of psychological adjustment?
3. Saved children- Now we come to a more noble goal but Tripp eschews this one as well. While we all want our children to be saved, to come to a knowledge of Christ as Savior and Lord, this goal can have its pitfalls too. Tripp says this goal becomes unbiblical when all we focus on is getting our children to pray a certain prayer and then leave it at that. "They think that if their child would get saved, all the problems of living would be solved." He tempers this issue by stating two facts: 1. You can never know with absolute certainty whether your child is saved; and 2. A child's profession of faith in Christ does not change the basic issues of childrearing. The child still requires the same training. I really appreciated this point. I can get caught up in bringing my child to a moment of decision and then forget about the daily business of training them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. This is hard work folks, work that requires getting down and dirty so to speak with your child and their heart attitudes. It requires the strength and grace of Christ working through us as parents. It requires lots of prayer.
4. Family worship- I appreciated this point as well. He states that sometimes our goal can be empty ritual. While family devotions are valuable, if the principles taught during devotions are not lived out in the dailies of living, it is useless.
5. Well-behaved children- I think all of us can relate to this one. We just want our children to obey. Why? Why do we want our children to have manners, speak pleasantly and treat others with respect? So we can look good? So they'll leave us in peace? Tripp rather bluntly states, "I'm certainly not down on well-behaved children. Yet, having well-behaved children is not a worthy goal. It is a great secondary benefit of biblical childrearing, but an unworthy goal in itself." He explains that good behavior needs to have biblical motivations. If not, teaching good behavior has no eternal significance.
6. Good education- My sister works for a company called College Coach. She counsels parents and their children about how they can get into the best schools and beef up their qualifications. Getting a good education is seen as the golden ticket to success and fulfillment. Those of us who homeschool are not immune to this temptation. Yesterday I was on a classical homeschooling website and felt feelings of guilt that I wasn't exposing my children to the "right" subjects at the "right" time with the "right" materials, according to their method. Tripp says, "It is possible to be well-educated and still not understand life."
7. Control- The last unbiblical goal Tripp mentions is probably the most convicting. A lot of times, we as parents just want to control our children's behavior for our own personal convenience and public appearance. OUCH!
So what is the proper goal? Tripp states that the only worthy biblical goal in parenting is to teach your children what their purpose is - to glorify God and enjoy Him forever - and to nurture and admonish and train them with this in mind. He says that most of the time we are teaching our children to exist in the present culture on its terms with a little Bible sprinkled on top. Here is a convicting paragraph -
"How do we do this? We pander to their desires and wishes. We teach them to find their soul's delight in going places and doing things. We attempt to satisfy their lust for excitement. We fill their young lives with distractions from God. We give them material things and take delight in their delight in possessions. Then we hope that somewhere down the line they will see that a life worth living is found only in knowing and serving God."
We need to not send mixed signals. All of the content of their everyday lives must fit our objective of teaching our children to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
Chapter 6 - Reworking Your Goals
This chapter is a logical outworking of the last where he further examines the unbiblical goals stated in chapter 5 in light of Scripture. I won't go into as much depth here, but not because his points didn't convict. His points are making me rethink the things our family does and the activities our children are involved in. He continues to encourage parents to ask questions about what they're doing and what they're allowing their children to do. These points could have come straight out of the Basement Tape on Deliberate. One question I'm struggling with though is the issue of gymnastics class for my younger children. I enrolled my daughter for the physical benefits because she has struggled with muscle tone problems. She is getting stronger every day and I'm pleased with the benefits. I enrolled my middle child, a boy, because I saw that he enjoyed tumbling and jumping all over the house. From day one he has loved his class and I see many benefits from his participation in the sport - he focuses better and follows detailed instructions well. I also like that his coaches are men who enjoy playful roughhousing with their boys and at the same time teach them discipline. The question Tripp would ask me I think would be this, "Are your children being taught gymnastics from a biblical worldview or a worldly, secular one? Are they learning to depend more on their own abilities instead of thanking and praising God for the gifts and talents He has given them?" The gym we go to is one that has all the Olympic level apparatus. As students progress they can join teams and compete. This can take up a lot of their time and a lot of their parents' money. My son is only 5 but I already see the pressure and competitive drive in some of the kids and their parents. According to Tripp, it seems then that certain sports could be off limits. I'm still thinking about this. Even if I end up disagreeing with Tripp's conclusions I do appreciate his way of always pointing parents back to Scripture and encouraging them to evaluate everything they do through that lense.
Feel free to comment and discuss. Share your thoughts and struggles so we can encourage one another. Blessings.
Friday, May 13, 2005
A WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT FOR ALL THE PREGNANT MOMS OUT THERE
From Elisabeth Elliot's A Heart for God --
"A mother is a chalice, the vessel without which no human being has ever been born. she is created to be a life-bearer, cooperating with her husband and with God in the making of a child. What a solemn responsibility. What an unspeakable privelege - a vessel divinely prepared for the Master's use."
That message is on May 12th of my A Heart for God flip calendar. Here are two more that I think are appropriate considering the subject of the book we're reviewing --
"Motherhood requires self-giving, sacrifice, suffering. It is a going down into death in order to give life, a great human analogy of a great spiritual principle."
"The process of shaping the child shapes also the mother herself. Reverence for her sacred burden calls her to all that is pure and good, that she may teach primarily by her own humble, daily example."
I'm thinking of all you pregnant and very pregnant moms out there (Molly and Ruthanne :) Grace and peace to you all.
From Elisabeth Elliot's A Heart for God --
"A mother is a chalice, the vessel without which no human being has ever been born. she is created to be a life-bearer, cooperating with her husband and with God in the making of a child. What a solemn responsibility. What an unspeakable privelege - a vessel divinely prepared for the Master's use."
That message is on May 12th of my A Heart for God flip calendar. Here are two more that I think are appropriate considering the subject of the book we're reviewing --
"Motherhood requires self-giving, sacrifice, suffering. It is a going down into death in order to give life, a great human analogy of a great spiritual principle."
"The process of shaping the child shapes also the mother herself. Reverence for her sacred burden calls her to all that is pure and good, that she may teach primarily by her own humble, daily example."
I'm thinking of all you pregnant and very pregnant moms out there (Molly and Ruthanne :) Grace and peace to you all.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART- part 3
Today we are continuing our book review of Sheperding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp. Joining me are Karen and Lis. I hope you will be encouraged by our discussion and join in with your comments as well!
Chapter 3 - Your Child's Development:Godward Orientation
In this chapter Mr. Tripp continues to explain the twofold process of shepherding: providing positive shaping influences and understanding the Godward orientation of your child's heart. His main point in this chapter is this - children are not morally neutral; they are worshippers. They either worship God or idols; there are only two choices. What determines whether our children respond to God in faith and obey or reject God and follow their own desires (which is idolatry)? Mr. Tripp contends that the determining factor is the fear of the Lord. He quotes Proverbs 9:7-10 to make his point.
"Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."
I need to believe Scripture and what it says about human nature. Tripp quotes Psalm 58 and Psalm 51 where it says that we are sinful at birth, sinful from the time we are conceived. Do I believe this? I think this is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. Am I going to believe what the inerrant, holy Word of God says about human nature or be a syncretist and kind of believe it and then mix in some of the world's popular humanistic philosophies? My friends, the evidence of what you believe will play out in your parenting. To say you believe the Word but then parent in a way contrary to what it says means that you don't really believe! I am like the man who cried out to Jesus, "I believe, help my unbelief." Thank You Lord for Your unending streams of mercy which pour out on this feeble mother.
Who will we worship? Who will our children worship? This is serious stuff. Tripp says, "I am interested in helping parents engage in hand-to-hand combat on the world's smallest battlefield, the child's heart. You need to engage your children as creatures made in the image of God. They can find fulfillment and happiness only as they know and serve the living God." This is a battle, but I need to remember that the weapons of this warfare are not carnal. I cannot make my children fear the Lord. This is something that only the Lord can work deep into my children's hearts. So I pray, I get on my knees, I cry to my Father who created these little ones and wove them together. Here are some thoughts of Mr. Tripp that I will start turning into prayers -
"Dear God, make my children into men and women who respond to life out of a living relationship with You. May they love You with all their heart and find their orientation not in the shaping influences of life but in the unfailing love and covenant mercies of God. Please work in and around our efforts as parents and our children's responses to make them people who know and honor You."
Chapter 4 - You're in Charge
This is where I stopped reading the book a couple months back because it got to the point where I was getting really convicted and conveniently found another book to read! Sound familiar anyone? Obviously this chapter is concerned with authority-whether we will take seriously the authority we have been given over our children by God. Tripp says, "As a parent, you have authority because God calls you to be an authority in your child's life...You may not try to shape the lives of your children as pleases you, but as pleases Him." Ouch. And, "Parenting goals are often no more noble than immediate comfort and convenience." Double ouch. Tripp's main point in this chapter is that when we realize the biblical mandate we've been given to be authorities in our children's lives, our goals and objectives will be clear, and we will have freedom and confidence to act as their shepherds. We are not to freelance as parents. We have been given clear direction as to what God desires for families in Deuteronomy 6 - He desires multigenerational faithfulness. This can only happen when we follow God's design and implement His ways in our families.
I totally agree with this concept but struggle with knowing the right way to implement it. I want to point them to God in all things. I don't want to discipline them just so I can get on with my agenda. I want the Word to be a pervasive influence in our home. I get caught up when I feel like I'm lecturing my children. I want them to know that their sin is displeasing to God, not just a displeasure or an annoyance to me. But I don't want them to see God as a taskmaster meeting out punishment for the least infraction. This is where grace comes in. Law and gospel. Showing them their sin but then pointing them to the cross where the life giving blood of Christ is available to cover them and wash them and make them clean. I need wisdom to point them away from the broken cisterns and to the Fountain of Life. Tripp does a great job in making the first point but I wish he spent more time in emphasizing the grace part. He does mention it, just not enough for this mom. At the end he says, "Your objective in discipline is to move toward your children, not against them. You move toward them with the reproofs and entreaties of life. Discipline has a corrective objective. It is therapeutic, not penal. It is designed to produce growth, not pain."
In the end, I need the wisdom to balance both things, to go further in discipline to show my children that obedience leads to life and fulfillment. One without the other is dangerous and robs my children of the full gospel that has the power to transform them forever.
Today we are continuing our book review of Sheperding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp. Joining me are Karen and Lis. I hope you will be encouraged by our discussion and join in with your comments as well!
Chapter 3 - Your Child's Development:Godward Orientation
In this chapter Mr. Tripp continues to explain the twofold process of shepherding: providing positive shaping influences and understanding the Godward orientation of your child's heart. His main point in this chapter is this - children are not morally neutral; they are worshippers. They either worship God or idols; there are only two choices. What determines whether our children respond to God in faith and obey or reject God and follow their own desires (which is idolatry)? Mr. Tripp contends that the determining factor is the fear of the Lord. He quotes Proverbs 9:7-10 to make his point.
"Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."
I need to believe Scripture and what it says about human nature. Tripp quotes Psalm 58 and Psalm 51 where it says that we are sinful at birth, sinful from the time we are conceived. Do I believe this? I think this is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. Am I going to believe what the inerrant, holy Word of God says about human nature or be a syncretist and kind of believe it and then mix in some of the world's popular humanistic philosophies? My friends, the evidence of what you believe will play out in your parenting. To say you believe the Word but then parent in a way contrary to what it says means that you don't really believe! I am like the man who cried out to Jesus, "I believe, help my unbelief." Thank You Lord for Your unending streams of mercy which pour out on this feeble mother.
Who will we worship? Who will our children worship? This is serious stuff. Tripp says, "I am interested in helping parents engage in hand-to-hand combat on the world's smallest battlefield, the child's heart. You need to engage your children as creatures made in the image of God. They can find fulfillment and happiness only as they know and serve the living God." This is a battle, but I need to remember that the weapons of this warfare are not carnal. I cannot make my children fear the Lord. This is something that only the Lord can work deep into my children's hearts. So I pray, I get on my knees, I cry to my Father who created these little ones and wove them together. Here are some thoughts of Mr. Tripp that I will start turning into prayers -
"Dear God, make my children into men and women who respond to life out of a living relationship with You. May they love You with all their heart and find their orientation not in the shaping influences of life but in the unfailing love and covenant mercies of God. Please work in and around our efforts as parents and our children's responses to make them people who know and honor You."
Chapter 4 - You're in Charge
This is where I stopped reading the book a couple months back because it got to the point where I was getting really convicted and conveniently found another book to read! Sound familiar anyone? Obviously this chapter is concerned with authority-whether we will take seriously the authority we have been given over our children by God. Tripp says, "As a parent, you have authority because God calls you to be an authority in your child's life...You may not try to shape the lives of your children as pleases you, but as pleases Him." Ouch. And, "Parenting goals are often no more noble than immediate comfort and convenience." Double ouch. Tripp's main point in this chapter is that when we realize the biblical mandate we've been given to be authorities in our children's lives, our goals and objectives will be clear, and we will have freedom and confidence to act as their shepherds. We are not to freelance as parents. We have been given clear direction as to what God desires for families in Deuteronomy 6 - He desires multigenerational faithfulness. This can only happen when we follow God's design and implement His ways in our families.
I totally agree with this concept but struggle with knowing the right way to implement it. I want to point them to God in all things. I don't want to discipline them just so I can get on with my agenda. I want the Word to be a pervasive influence in our home. I get caught up when I feel like I'm lecturing my children. I want them to know that their sin is displeasing to God, not just a displeasure or an annoyance to me. But I don't want them to see God as a taskmaster meeting out punishment for the least infraction. This is where grace comes in. Law and gospel. Showing them their sin but then pointing them to the cross where the life giving blood of Christ is available to cover them and wash them and make them clean. I need wisdom to point them away from the broken cisterns and to the Fountain of Life. Tripp does a great job in making the first point but I wish he spent more time in emphasizing the grace part. He does mention it, just not enough for this mom. At the end he says, "Your objective in discipline is to move toward your children, not against them. You move toward them with the reproofs and entreaties of life. Discipline has a corrective objective. It is therapeutic, not penal. It is designed to produce growth, not pain."
In the end, I need the wisdom to balance both things, to go further in discipline to show my children that obedience leads to life and fulfillment. One without the other is dangerous and robs my children of the full gospel that has the power to transform them forever.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART a book review
Today is the second installment of a book review Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp. Joining with me are Karen and Lis. Today we will review chapters 1 and 2 of the book.
Chapter 1 Getting to the Heart of Behavior
In this chapter Mr. Tripp uncovers the core issue in behavior - the heart. What you see your children do, whether it is good or bad, is a reflection of the orientation of their heart. He quotes Proverbs 4:23 and Luke 6:45 to make this point -
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."
Mr. Tripp points out that Scripture teaches, "that behavior is not the basic issue. The basic issue is always what is going on in the heart." When I first read this, it was a revolutionary idea. I thought I just needed to be concerned about right behavior and getting them to obey. Mr. Tripp contends we need to go deeper. "Your child's needs are far more profound than his aberrant behavior...A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemnable." He says that this is what the Pharisees were guilty of - cleaning the outside of the cup. I was not a PK or an MK but I can see how this kind of thing could happen to them. There is such a pressure in those cases to look perfect and always be good. This isn't limited to preachers and missionaries though. I confess that I want my children to behave for selfish and prideful reasons. Either to make me look good or just do what I say so I can get on with my life. Oh Lord, have mercy on me. My children's souls are at stake. The main theme in this chapter is to go deeper with your children to help them see their need for the cross. Mr. Tripp says, "Your concern is to unmask your child's sin, helping him to understand how it reflects a heart that has strayed. That leads to the cross of Christ. It underscores the need for a Savior. It provides opportunities to show the glories of God, who sent His Son to change hearts and free people enslaved to sin."
I wholeheartedly agree with Mr. Tripp when he says that rearing your children in this manner is a vision worthy of sacrifice. I also agree with him when he says that the Bible alone is sufficient for this task. We don't need Oprah, Dr. Phil or the SuperNanny. We don't need to be syncretists - blending the Bible with the most popular, earthly philosophy out there. We need to lead our children to Jesus.
Chapter 2 - Your Child's Development: Shaping Influences
In this chapter, Mr. Tripp explains the influences that affect and shape our children. He also states that the shaping is not automatic, like a robot being programmed to display certain behavior. "The way he responds to these events and circumstances determine the effect they have upon him." So we have the shaping influences and how the child reacts to those influences. Not surprisingly, the family is the biggest shaping influence in a child's life. Mr. Tripp distinguishes six separate family influences:
1. Structure of family life
2. Family values
3. Family roles
4. Family response to failure
5. Family history
6. Family conflict resolution
Most of these are pretty self-explanatory and we all would agree that the way your family was set up and run had a much more profound influence on you than what stuff your parents bought you. There is a grain of truth in what psychology has to say about examining your childhood. But why do I still believe this lie that if only I could buy my children more stuff or provide them with more experiences, vacations, activities then they would be better off? How you interact with your children and the way your family handles things is much more of an influence on them than we think. They absorb attitudes and ways of thinking. They can spot a hypocrite a mile away.
The main point Mr. Tripp makes in this chapter about shaping influences is the way we approach them. He says we can make two mistakes - 1. Thinking that your child is a victim of the influences in his life and 2. Thinking that if you just provide the right shaping influences, your children will turn out just fine. The first one is fatalism and the second is determinism. In the world we see this all the time. Children are aborted because they couldn't possibly have a good life in poor financial circumstances. And on the other side of the tracks, if only we can get Johnny on the best little league team and into the right private school, then he'll be happy and successful and grow up to be a yuppy. (Please try to avoid getting slimed by the sarcasm!) I am guilty of this as well though. When my husband didn't have a job for 15 months, I thought our lack of money would automatically be negative on our children. It didn't turn out that way. They got to see God work in some really amazing ways. And now that my husband has a good paying job, I sometimes get trapped into thinking that my children need this or that activity in order to grow up and be happy. Mr. Tripp unmasks the real issues we need to be concerned about and admits that it's more complex than finding the right formula. "You must do all that God has called you to do but the outcome is more complex than whether you have done the right things in the right way. Your children are responsible for the way they respond to your parenting." (Joseph and his brothers come to mind. Think about how they all had the same family and yet different circumstances and different outcomes. Joseph had the worst circumstances and yet the orientation of his heart was toward God.) Wow. In the end, I believe I need to be praying for my children's hearts a lot more. That they will be moldable and teachable. That they will see that the deepest needs of their souls can only be satisfied at the Fountain of Living Water.
Feel free to comment and discuss. I apologize for my tardiness in getting this post up, at least for those in the Eastern Time Zone. I'm not that late compared to Karen and Lis!
Blessings.
Today is the second installment of a book review Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp. Joining with me are Karen and Lis. Today we will review chapters 1 and 2 of the book.
Chapter 1 Getting to the Heart of Behavior
In this chapter Mr. Tripp uncovers the core issue in behavior - the heart. What you see your children do, whether it is good or bad, is a reflection of the orientation of their heart. He quotes Proverbs 4:23 and Luke 6:45 to make this point -
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."
Mr. Tripp points out that Scripture teaches, "that behavior is not the basic issue. The basic issue is always what is going on in the heart." When I first read this, it was a revolutionary idea. I thought I just needed to be concerned about right behavior and getting them to obey. Mr. Tripp contends we need to go deeper. "Your child's needs are far more profound than his aberrant behavior...A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemnable." He says that this is what the Pharisees were guilty of - cleaning the outside of the cup. I was not a PK or an MK but I can see how this kind of thing could happen to them. There is such a pressure in those cases to look perfect and always be good. This isn't limited to preachers and missionaries though. I confess that I want my children to behave for selfish and prideful reasons. Either to make me look good or just do what I say so I can get on with my life. Oh Lord, have mercy on me. My children's souls are at stake. The main theme in this chapter is to go deeper with your children to help them see their need for the cross. Mr. Tripp says, "Your concern is to unmask your child's sin, helping him to understand how it reflects a heart that has strayed. That leads to the cross of Christ. It underscores the need for a Savior. It provides opportunities to show the glories of God, who sent His Son to change hearts and free people enslaved to sin."
I wholeheartedly agree with Mr. Tripp when he says that rearing your children in this manner is a vision worthy of sacrifice. I also agree with him when he says that the Bible alone is sufficient for this task. We don't need Oprah, Dr. Phil or the SuperNanny. We don't need to be syncretists - blending the Bible with the most popular, earthly philosophy out there. We need to lead our children to Jesus.
Chapter 2 - Your Child's Development: Shaping Influences
In this chapter, Mr. Tripp explains the influences that affect and shape our children. He also states that the shaping is not automatic, like a robot being programmed to display certain behavior. "The way he responds to these events and circumstances determine the effect they have upon him." So we have the shaping influences and how the child reacts to those influences. Not surprisingly, the family is the biggest shaping influence in a child's life. Mr. Tripp distinguishes six separate family influences:
1. Structure of family life
2. Family values
3. Family roles
4. Family response to failure
5. Family history
6. Family conflict resolution
Most of these are pretty self-explanatory and we all would agree that the way your family was set up and run had a much more profound influence on you than what stuff your parents bought you. There is a grain of truth in what psychology has to say about examining your childhood. But why do I still believe this lie that if only I could buy my children more stuff or provide them with more experiences, vacations, activities then they would be better off? How you interact with your children and the way your family handles things is much more of an influence on them than we think. They absorb attitudes and ways of thinking. They can spot a hypocrite a mile away.
The main point Mr. Tripp makes in this chapter about shaping influences is the way we approach them. He says we can make two mistakes - 1. Thinking that your child is a victim of the influences in his life and 2. Thinking that if you just provide the right shaping influences, your children will turn out just fine. The first one is fatalism and the second is determinism. In the world we see this all the time. Children are aborted because they couldn't possibly have a good life in poor financial circumstances. And on the other side of the tracks, if only we can get Johnny on the best little league team and into the right private school, then he'll be happy and successful and grow up to be a yuppy. (Please try to avoid getting slimed by the sarcasm!) I am guilty of this as well though. When my husband didn't have a job for 15 months, I thought our lack of money would automatically be negative on our children. It didn't turn out that way. They got to see God work in some really amazing ways. And now that my husband has a good paying job, I sometimes get trapped into thinking that my children need this or that activity in order to grow up and be happy. Mr. Tripp unmasks the real issues we need to be concerned about and admits that it's more complex than finding the right formula. "You must do all that God has called you to do but the outcome is more complex than whether you have done the right things in the right way. Your children are responsible for the way they respond to your parenting." (Joseph and his brothers come to mind. Think about how they all had the same family and yet different circumstances and different outcomes. Joseph had the worst circumstances and yet the orientation of his heart was toward God.) Wow. In the end, I believe I need to be praying for my children's hearts a lot more. That they will be moldable and teachable. That they will see that the deepest needs of their souls can only be satisfied at the Fountain of Living Water.
Feel free to comment and discuss. I apologize for my tardiness in getting this post up, at least for those in the Eastern Time Zone. I'm not that late compared to Karen and Lis!
Blessings.
Monday, May 02, 2005
GRINDING GRAIN...BAKING BREAD
I have a tremendously generous neighbor who has been tutoring me in the art of grinding grain and making fresh, yummy, whole grain bread. A couple months back she made our family two loaves after we spent a whole Saturday over at her house. My husband was blown away at how delicious this bread was. I had mentioned in the past that I might be interested in getting into this bread making thing but he wasn't interested until he tasted the end result. Now he will be purchasing a grain mill for me for Mother's Day and I am busy trying to practice my techniques. My neighbor has lent me her Whisper Mill and I have been researching the Nutri Mill. My first try was abysmal but the second one was a whole lot more promising.
There are a lot more families out there doing this than I thought, especially around here. I guess it's the influence of the Breadbeckers. We are blessed to live less than 30 minutes away from them. Does anyone else out here do the bread making thing? I'd love to hear your thoughts on grain mills and bread making techniques. I'll let you know soon which mill I get. I'm off to go research some more.
Blessings.
I have a tremendously generous neighbor who has been tutoring me in the art of grinding grain and making fresh, yummy, whole grain bread. A couple months back she made our family two loaves after we spent a whole Saturday over at her house. My husband was blown away at how delicious this bread was. I had mentioned in the past that I might be interested in getting into this bread making thing but he wasn't interested until he tasted the end result. Now he will be purchasing a grain mill for me for Mother's Day and I am busy trying to practice my techniques. My neighbor has lent me her Whisper Mill and I have been researching the Nutri Mill. My first try was abysmal but the second one was a whole lot more promising.
There are a lot more families out there doing this than I thought, especially around here. I guess it's the influence of the Breadbeckers. We are blessed to live less than 30 minutes away from them. Does anyone else out here do the bread making thing? I'd love to hear your thoughts on grain mills and bread making techniques. I'll let you know soon which mill I get. I'm off to go research some more.
Blessings.
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