SHEPHERDING A CHILD'S HEART an introduction

Today is the start of a book review of Ted Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart (SACH) by Karen, Lis and yours truly. Please continue to check back every Wednesday as we review this book on childrearing. Feel free to jump into the discussion either in the comments section or on your own blog.

One disclaimer - before we get started I want to encourage anyone who comments to do so in a respectful manner. We all have strong opinions when it comes to our children and how to raise them. (I'm raising my hand here!) Let's make sure our convictions and strong opinions line up with the word of God.

First off, I want to introduce myself and my family. My husband and I have been married 9+ years and have three children: J(boy) is 8, C(boy) is 5, and S(girl) is almost 4. For our whole married life, we've let God plan our family size. When I first had J, I was determined to be a good mother and I devoured anything I could find on the subject. I had little experience with babies and children and so my legalistic nature was naturally drawn to the Ezzo's material. I have, in the past several years, seen the error in a lot of their teaching. The other people who have influenced my parenting style are Elisabeth Elliot, her daughter Valerie Shepard, and Denise Glenn (Motherwise). I started out a very strict parent and had a lot of anxiety that I wasn't doing the right thing. There wasn't much joy in my relationship with my son in the beginning. Unfortunately, I think a lot of that was the result of the Ezzo's teaching. I was drawn to Ted Tripp's book because it seemed to be approaching the subject in a very different way - not only a biblical way but a less legalistic way.

The author has over twenty years experience as a pastor (Presbyterian), counselor, school administrator and father. On the back of the book there are blurbs of endorsement from Dr. David Powlison (Westminster Theological Seminary), Rev. John MacArthur, Dr. Edward Welch (Christian Counseling and Education Foundation), and Elisabeth Elliot.

In the Introduction, Mr. Tripp laments the state of parenting in our culture. He says there are basically two approaches to parenting in our culture today - 1. a self-absorbed style which throws off any idea of authority and 2. an "old 1950s John Wayne approach" which emphasizes a very strict authoritarian ideal. He says neither approach is working and the evangelical culture is nearly as lost as society at large. He then states that the situation is not hopeless; we need to return to the Bible which is our "only safe guide." The overview of his approach that will be outlined in the book can be summed up in this quote -

"The parenting task is multifaceted. It involves being authorities who are kind, shepherding your children to understand themselves in God's world, and keeping the gospel in clear view so your children can internalize the good news and someday live in mutuality with you as people under God."

The authority concept has never been a problem for me. My husband and I have always emphazied to our children that while we all live under God's authority, He has placed them under our authority. What I love about Mr. Tripp's approach is that he goes beyond the usual advice of all the parenting experts out there. We all know we're supposed to be in charge as parents but many times we "tend toward a crass kind of John Wayne authoritarianism..." He goes on to point out the importance of being a "benevolent despot" who communicates with your children and doesn't just tell them what to do. We must also incorporate the gospel into our parenting. Here's a quote that just blew me away --

"People frequently ask if I expected my children to become believers. I usually reply that the gospel is powerful and attractive. It uniquely meets the needs of fallen humanity. Therefore, I expected that God's Word would be the power of God to salvation for my children. But that expectation was based on the power of the gospel and its suitability to human need, not on a correct formula for producing children who believe."

He goes on to say that we need to not only hold forth God's standard, but also explain that this standard cannot be achieved apart from the good news of the gospel. To separate the Law from the gospel will only produce high achieving, well behaved lost children. This is a revolutionary idea for me. So often I can get stuck in my own prideful goals as a parent. Is my goal to have perfect children or children who have been molded and shaped by the transforming power of the gospel and grow to be mature, gracious young adults with whom I can feel a "wonderful sense of mutuality" as Mr. Tripp says.

I'm excited about this book. I am such a formula-hound. Does that make sense? I want to know the right way to do things. It's like I'm searching for just the right computer program that will spit out the right information. Parenting, and life for that matter, are not like that. May I lean on God's word for direction and revel in His marvelous grace towards me and my family.

Lord, I am such a Pharisee most of the time. Please forgive me and enable me, by the trasforming power of Your grace, to not only hold up the high standard of the Law but also lead my children to the Cross with its wonderful good news of forgiveness, redemption and restoration that will enable them to obey You, glorify You and enjoy You forever. In the name of Jesus and for His sake I pray, Amen.

WISDOM FROM THE PAST

Lord willing, tomorrow will be the day Karen and Lis will join me in reviewing Ted Tripp's book, Shepherding a Child's Heart. I'm really looking forward to reading this book and gleaning wisdom from Karen, Lis and others who will comment (jump on in Roberta!). Before tomorrow I wanted to share a quote by Fenelon which describes what our motives should be when reading books or listening to other respected, wise Christians. I believe I've confessed this on this blog before, but I think it bears repeating. I have a zeal for knowledge and wisdom that is not always godly. The end result in my quest tends to look a lot like one of those fish that blows up like a balloon, if you catch my drift. Most of the time I flit from one book to another looking for just the right answers to my questions. That's probably the reason why it's hard for me to finish a book and why I am always in the middle of reading at least five books at once.

Anyway, one of the things this book review will help me do is finish at least one of the many books I have already started and yet set aside. I pray that my motive in reading this book and gaining this knowledge will be aligned with what Fenelon says here --

"God can teach more than even the most experienced Christians know. He can teach you better than all the books that the world has ever seen. But be careful about your motives in this eager chase after knowledge. You are aware, aren't you, that all we need is to be poor in spirit, and to know nothing but Christ and Him crucified. Although being a know-it-all makes us feel important, what is really needed to strengthen Christian character is love. So don't be satisfied with anything less than love. You certainly don't think it possible that the love of God and the dethroning of self can only be reached through the acquisition of knowledge. You already have more knowledge than you can use. You would do better to put into practice what you already know. Oh how we deceive ourselves when we suppose that we are growing in grace because our vain curiosity is being gratified by the enlightenment of our intellect! We need to be humble, and understand that we cannot receive God's gifts from man. The love of God comes to us only from Jesus."

By the way, Fenelon was a 17th century French, Catholic archbishop. And even though he was an ally of Madame Guyon, the mystic, I have still found great insight in his book, Let Go. IMHO, I believe we can learn from those in history who may not have had all their theology straight. Don't get me wrong; I do believe we need to stand firm on the things that are clear and essential for salvation. And we always need to be careful in what we read, that it lines up with the inerrant holy word of God. Some of the stuff in Fenelon's book tends to be a little gnostic, but on the whole I have benefitted from his writing on surrender and death to self. (I have also been extremely blessed in reading Amy Carmichael's writings even though she was greatly influenced by the perfectionist movement that men such as B.B. Warfield rightly denounced.)

May Scripture ultimately be the only standard as we seek to live holy and blameless before Him.

"Thus says the Lord, 'Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord who exercises lovingkindness, justice, and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,' declares the Lord."
Jeremiah 9:23-24

"...Knowledge makes arrogant, but love edifies. If anyone supposes that he knows anything, he has not yet known as he ought to know; but if anyone loves God, he is known by Him."
1 Corinthians 8:1b-3

"More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord..."
Philippians 3:8a

Lord Jesus, may I have pure motives in seeking knowledge. May this quest bear the fruit of greater love for You and others and in a greater desire to obey You in all things.

ANYONE UP FOR A BOOK REVIEW?

I've been very encouraged reading the reviews of Created to be His Helpmeet by Molly, Kristen, Jenna and others. This has inspired me to review a book on my blog. I'd love it if someone else wanted to join me. I haven't decided on a book but here are some suggestions --

1. Future Grace by John Piper
2. Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp

Any takers? I'm open to any other book suggestions also.

THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER SOMEWHERE, BUT DEFINITELY NOT HERE

Several years ago when I was first exposed to the thoughts of those at the Highland Study Center, something started happening in my heart - that creeping feeling of discontentment. For the longest time, the enemy had me wishing wishes like this, "If only you could move there, or to another place similar, then you will have arrived. Then you would have the friends you want, the church you want, the community you want." Of course, I would push away those wishes and continue in the life I was living, but inside I couldn't shake that gnawing feeling of discontentment. And the enemy convinced me that the discontentment I was feeling was a sign from God that we should leave, whether that meant leaving our church, our neighborhood or even our state. "The grass is soooo much greener over there, Lord," I would say in my heart.

What followed was a continuous sense of disappointment in whatever I desired to have but felt like I couldn't have right where I was - deep relationships in a like-minded community, a church that was credo-Baptist and reformed. So in my mind and especially in my heart, if I could just take a little of what Doug Phillips had and mix in some Highland Study Center and John Piper, then I'd be content.

Now this feeling is nothing new with me. I'm a melancholy, after all. I'll throw a pity party over anything really. And nothing would inspire me to throw one more than the state of my relationships. I'm ashamed to admit how many times I've cried to God about how no one wants to be my friend, and people just don't have the same convictions as I do, and why doesn't anyone ask me to go for coffee. Woe is me, I'd think.

I love the people at HSC, the people at VisionForum and John Piper. Lord willing, someday I'll meet them all. I've been sharpened over and over by what I've read and listened to. They are all doing a mighty work for the kingdom and I pray God's blessings on them. But listen friends, it's one thing to be sharpened by other godly Christians in other places, but it's a whole other thing to allow the enemy to use that sharpening to create discontentment and self-pity in my heart. Elisabeth Elliot is right on target when she says that self-pity is demonic. I looked down on the place God had placed me. I looked down on the relationships He had put in my path. I thought they weren't good enough. So until lately, I never invested a nickel in what was at my doorstep because I thought it was somehow beneath me. When I see it written down in black and white, it's obvious to me how prideful and arrogant it is. But I couldn't see it. I thought I was being wise but in reality it was what James calls earthly, unspiritual and demonic. (see James 3:13-18)

So what's different now? Well, I've gotten off my soapboxes and surrendered my desires to my Father. By His grace, I've repented of my pride and arrogance in relationships. He has humbled me with His word and gently opened my eyes to things, to people I've neglected. I've given my desires for community and relationships to Him and asked Him to show me how to cultivate that right where He's placed me. The good life can be cultivated where I am if I just believe God and obey. Last night was the beginning of an answer to that prayer. I met with two other women for prayer. These are two friends who have come into my life in different ways. One has been there for many years. I've neglected that relationship, until recently. One is a friend that God has placed in my life in such a wonderfully sovereign way. She and her husband have decided to pull their children out of public school in order to homeschool them. We have discussed many things close to my heart and recently I borrowed a book from her - When You Rise Up. Last night's prayer meeting was very special. And if we had moved somwhere else, I would have missed out on this. Thank You Lord that You have stripped away the prideful assumptions and arrogant expectations I've had. Thank You that You are making the grass greener right here, where You have planted me. Keep fertilizing the soil and may I be blessed to see the abundant harvest that springs forth. To You alone be the glory and honor and praise.

Here's a lyric from Rich Mullins that summarizes a little of what God's been teaching me -

from Brother's Keeper

My friends ain't the way I wish they were/they are just the way they are/I will be my brother's keeper/not the one who judges him/I won't despise him for his weakness/I won't regard him for his strength/I won't take away his freedom/I will help him learn to stand/and I will, I will be my brother's keeper

KNOW YOUR POSITION

Yes, this could be a sports analogy, especially baseball. In any case, this is what I'm talking about --

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace, which He lavished upon us."
Ephesians 1:3-8a

"If then you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory."
Colossians 3:1-4

"Like a shepherd He will tend His flock, in His arm He will gather the lambs, and carry them in His bosom; He will gently lead the nursing ewes."
Isaiah 40:11

"I am the door; if anyone enters through Me, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture."
John 10:9

"Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; like a weaned child rests against his mother, my soul is like a weaned child within me."
Psalm 131:2

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and My load is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

"Waiting on God, unceasing and entire dependence upon Him, is, in heaven and earth, the only true faith, the one unalterable and all-comprehensive expression for the true relationship to the ever-blessed One in whom we live."
Andrew Murray, Waiting on God

"The eyes of all look to Thee, and Thou dost give them their food in due time. Thou dost open Thy hand, and dost satisfy the desire of every living thing."
Psalm 145:15-16

"I, the Lord, am your God, Who brought you up from the land of Egypt; open your mouth wide and I will fill it...But I would feed you with the finest of the wheat; and with honey from the rock I would satisfy you." Psalm 81:10,16

"I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning; indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning."
Psalm 130:5-6

"My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him."
Psalm 62:5

It's all about Him. Our Shepherd, Provider, Sustainer, Redeemer, Friend and King.


LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW...POLLEN!?

If you're from the South, especially Atlanta, you know what I'm talking about. And if I could figure out how to post pictures on this blog (hint, hint, shameless request for tech help) I would prove to you that I'm not letting our porch "go to pot" so to speak. This afternoon I sprayed it off (everything was covered in that nasty yellow dust) with the hose and I guarantee you it will be covered tomorrow. Why do I even bother?

DID YOU SEE THAT!!!!

OK, you might as well know this about me - I watch golf on TV. I don't even play it really. But there's something about professional sports, even golf, that I find fascinating. And yesterday's Master's Final was about as exciting as it gets. It's very interesting to watch these men under pressure and see how they react to it. Tiger Woods and Chris DiMarco were both going for it yesterday. Chris had never won a major, but has come close (shades of Phil Mickelson before last year) and Tiger was going for his fourth green jacket but hadn't won a major in three years, which for him is not good. No other player has been held up to such a standard as Tiger Woods has since he won for the first time in 1997 at the age of 21. And IMHO there isn't anyone who's mentally tougher in all of sport. And I've never seen a sweeter shot than what he played yesterday on the 16th hole. Kudos to Chris DiMarco for staying tough and forcing a sudden death playoff. If I had been in his shoes, I probably would have quit right after seeing that ball drop into the cup after sitting on the edge of it for a full 2 seconds!

So, is anyone else going to admit to seeing it? Here's another little confession - when I was young I used to watch professional bowling! I was a sports TV watching junkie.

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW, ESPECIALLY FOR...

My neighbor who generously cared for our oldest and youngest while the middle one (ds age 5) had a minor surgical procedure today.

The reduced traffic to Children's Health Care of Atlanta. Reduced traffic=reduced stress.

The fabulous staff at CHOA including nurses, doctors, registration people, and any others who helped make our stay a pleasant one under the circumstances.

A moved up surgery time. And just after the first complaint of hunger from our little trooper of a son.

A wonderful, understanding husband who knew from experience that I didn't need to be the one going back with our son when they put him under general anethesia. (Last year, ds age 8 had a minor procedure at this same place and even though the staff and doctors are wonderful, it's just scary for a little one to go through this and quite heart wrenching to see them go through it as a parent.)

A tear-free recovery from surgery for our little boy.

(From our son's perspective) All his stuffed animal friends that came with him and comforted him and made him laugh after the surgery and at home, Boston Market macaroni and cheese, Nintendo and Gatorade drink boxes.

A realization of the undeserved blessings we have right here in our home, right under our noses.


Also, thanks go out to all who prayed, including some of you who read this blog. I'm thinking of Ruthanne in particular.

WHILE I'M AT IT...

Here's another blessing I'm hoping to receive in the future if I'm diligent in saving. Isn't it beautiful? It's made of Honduran rosewood and the middle two joints are really one joint. Actually I may not buy that one because of that feature. If you know anything about orchestral clarinet players, we have to carry two different clarinets in one case - one in the key of A and one in the key of B-flat. So if I was to purchase this instrument I wouldn't be able to put it in my double case because it's made for a clarinet with two separate middle joints. That would mean that I'd have to purchase not only a replacement for the B-flat clarinet but also the A clarinet. So...I may just purchase this clarinet instead.

PRAISES TO GOD ON THE OCCASION OF MY 33rd BIRTHDAY

There are many things for which to be thankful - family, friends, and the innumerable daily blessings of His mercy and grace that I so often take for granted. The psalmist says it well --

"Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul!
I will praise the Lord while I live;
I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.
Do not trust in princes, in mortal man, in whom there is no salvation.
His spirit departs, he returns to the earth;
In that very day his thoughts perish.

How blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob;
Whose hope is in the Lord his God..."

Psalm 146:1-5

I praise God that 33 years ago I was born to two wonderful parents who stayed together through some tough times and just celebrated 40 years of marriage. I praise Him that they provided the means and the support for me to be able to pursue a career in music which led me to Northwestern University in 1990. I was a very egotistical, ambitious young woman and yet in love He sought me. He led me to people who knew Him and prayed for me while I flaunted my sin in front of them. In His gracious sovereignty, He took one particular person out of my life to leave me alone, in my need for acceptance and unconditional love. In my foolishness and sin, I continued to search for these things in the wrong places and yet...He pursued me. Then, in the fulness of time, He opened my eyes to my sin- to the pain it had caused me and even more so, His Son. A change took place; one that was wrought by His sovereign mercy and grace. That day was December 28, 1991 - my second birthday. So even though today is the 33rd anniversary of my physical birth, I can't help but remember the day my Lord and Savior made me a new creation, that I would even be able, by His Spirit, to praise Him this day. Here's a song and a quote to emphasize the point. The song is by Annie Herring from her Wonder CD.

Wonder

Oh the joy that filled my soul
the moment I was made whole
God of wonder God of might
Reached His hand into the dark night
And found my soul

Ever grateful I will be
To the Lamb who died for me
God of wonder God of might
Reached His hand into the dark night
And found my soul

God of wonder God of might God of wonder
Reached His hand across the night
And pulled my soul into the light

Look inside this soul of mine
I was lost and completely blind
God of wonder God of might
Reached His hand into the dark night
And found my soul

God of wonder God of might God of wonder
Reached His hand across the night
And pulled my soul into the light
He reached His hand across the night
And pulled my soul into the light

I love that song because it so completely expresses the beauty of the doctrines of grace. I love this quote by Charles Spurgeon too because it expresses the realization that his conversion was completely dependent on the sovereign grace of God. John Piper quotes Charles Spurgeon's autobiography in his book The Pleasures of God --

"When I was coming to Christ, I thought I was doing it all myself, and though I sought the Lord earnestly, I had no idea the Lord was seeking me. I do not think the young convert is at first aware of this. I can recall the very day and hour when first I received those truths [the doctrine of election] in my own soul-when they were, as John Bunyan says, burnt into my heart as with a hot iron, and I can recollect how I felt that I had grown on a sudden from a babe into a man-that I had made progress in Scriptural knowledge, through having found, once for all, that clue to the truth of God.
One week-night, when I was sitting in the house of God, I was not thinking much about the preacher's sermon, for I did not believe it. The thought struck me, 'How did you come to be a Christian?' I sought the Lord. 'But how did you come to seek the Lord?' The truth flashed across my mind in a moment-I should not have sought Him unless there had been some previous influence in my mind to make me seek Him. I prayed, thought I, but then I asked myself, How came I to pray? I was induced to pray by reading the Scriptures. How came I to read the Scriptures? I did read them, but what led me to do so? Then, in a moment, I saw that God was at the bottom of it all, and that He was the Author of my faith, and so the whole doctrine of grace opened up to me, and from that doctrine I have not departed to this day, and I desire to make this my constant confession, 'I ascribe my change wholly to God.'"

I also thank God for the little pleasures He gave me tonight. My dear husband cleaned up the kitchen and put the little ones to bed as I enjoyed myself shopping. I got some great deals. Here's a list of the books I got on sale-

Let Go by Fenelon
The Key to Holiness by Charles Spurgeon
Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray
Waiting on God by Andrew Murray
Humility by Andrew Murray
The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges

The first five books I got really cheap at my local Christian bookstore. Priceless treasures for $2.99-3.99! I've read Waiting on God but gave it to my mother. I've also read The Discipline of Grace but it was borrowed from the church library. I also purchased Cry for the Desert by Twila Paris. That was one of the very first Christian CDs I bought after I was saved. I hadn't listened to it in many years and couldn't find it today when I went looking for it. Then I realized I probably had sold it or given it away. Foolish woman! What a gift God has given her.

I had fun shopping and sipping my Mocha Frappucino even though the pollen knocked me out earlier after a whole day at the zoo with my neighbor and our kids. It was a good day.

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul!

(P.S. The cherry on top, so to speak, is a sweeet win by the Braves, 2-1, over the Marlins in 13 innings.)

ODE TO A NEW SHOWER

I'm not very good at writing any kind of poetry or prose so I'll just say this -- I adored our new shower with it's perfectly set tiles, spotless grout, clear glass sliders and chrome fixtures until I had to clean it. Mr. Clean Shower just does not cut it my friends. We're talking about elbow grease, Windex and Scrubbing Bubbles. But isn't it great when you're done and can look on your finished work with a great sense of accomplishment? Until the next week :)


PRESCRIPTION FOR A HORMOTIONAL WOMAN

Sunday was a roller coaster of emotions but as I cried out to the Lord instead of crying at my husband, He led me to a hymn by Fanny Crosby that I'd never heard of. Here's what calmed the storm --

HE HIDETH MY SOUL

A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord,
A wonderful Savior to me;
He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock,
Where rivers of pleasure I see.

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life in the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

A wonderful Savior is Jesus my Lord -
He taketh my burden away;
He holdeth me up and I shall not be moved,
He giveth me strength as my day.

With numberless blessings each moment He crowns,
And, filled with his fullness divine,
I sing in my rapture,"O glory to God
For such a Redeemer as mine!"

When clothed in His brightness transported I rise,
To meet Him in clouds of the sky,
His perfect salvation, His wonderful love,
I'll shout with the millions on high.

He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock
That shadows a dry, thirsty land;
He hideth my life in the depths of His love,
And covers me there with His hand,
And covers me there with His hand.

P.S. Godiva Belgian Dark Chocolate ice cream helped some too! Gotta have some chocolate.