BE YE HOLY PT.3: BEING SELF-CONSCIOUS

I'm continuing to look at transcripts of an old series of programs on Gateway to Joy called Holiness in the '90s. This latest one had so many gems in it that I've decided to break it up into several parts. The first part I want to talk about has to do with this quote from Ms. Elliot: "The holier we are, the less self-conscious we will be." She talks about how we shouldn't try to assess how holy we are; we shouldn't be grading ourselves on a spiritual scale. However, the more we grow in holiness, the less self-conscious we will be. What does it mean to be self-conscious? Think of what you were like in junior high. This may bring some unpleasant pictures and memories to your mind, but I think it helps us see more clearly what it means to be self-conscious. People who are very self-conscious are concerned about how they come across to people. They want to make sure they are wearing the right clothes and saying the right things. They even make sure they're buying the right music, cars, toys, gadgets, etc. Let's examine ourselves. Do we act like this? Do I? Of course I do. I think it's especially difficult for women to escape this trap because there is so much advertising around us that says we have to look a certain way and act a certain way. But what does this come down to? It is a fear of man. In Galatians, Paul says that if he were still trying to please men, he would no longer be a bond-servant of Christ. Are we seeking to please men or God? Do we fear the judgment of our fellow sisters in Christ more than a holy God? My friends, we have got it all backwards. How silly and foolish is it that I care more about what my parents think about my childrearing methods than what God thinks about it!! This past week my parents visited us. Many times I caught myself wanting to impress them with how well behaved my children were or how well my husband and I were doing financially. When I'm around other women I catch myself mentally comparing myself with others based on different factors whether it be looks, spiritual maturity, etc.

Let us look to Jesus as Ms. Elliot so wisely reminds us. She asks this question, "What was Jesus doing the first thirty years of His life?" We know very little about it. However, the things we do know give us great insight into how to live a less self-conscious life. We know that after He visited Jerusalem with His parents at age twelve, even though He amazed those in the Temple with His wisdom, He went home with His parents and continued in subjection to them. For the first 30 years of His life, Jesus lived a quiet, hidden, holy life. He obeyed His parents. He grew in wisdom and stature. Ms. Elliot says there will be thousands of people like this in heaven, people who lived quiet, hidden, holy lives. So how do we do this? Well, next time I'll continue this discussion and will include more gems from Elisabeth. For now I'll leave you with this passage of Scripture which I think sums up what being the opposite of self-conscious is:

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."
Philippians 2:3-8

Blessings.

A HYMN FOR WEDNESDAY

Here's one from Michael Card's album, Starkindler.

I heard the voice of Jesus say,
"Come unto me and rest.
Lay down now weary one lay down
Your head upon my breast."
I came to Jesus as I was
Weary, worn and sad.
I found in Him a resting place
And He has made me glad.

I heard the voice of Jesus say,
"Behold I freely give,
The living water thirsty one
Stoop down and drink and live."
I came to Jesus and I drank
Of that life giving stream.
My thirst was quenched
My soul revived and now I live in Him.

I heard the voice of Jesus say,
"I am this dark world's light
Come unto me your morn shall rise
And all your days be bright
I looked to Jesus and I found
In Him both star and sun.
And in that light of life I'll walk
Til all my days are done.

I can't find the CD jacket(?) right now so I can't say who wrote that but it has really ministered to me today.

Blessings.

RANDOM MUSINGS

It's been raining a lot here. That puts me in a melancholy mood. Actually it's not hard for me to get in one of those moods if you know what I mean. I decided to cancel school for today because I stayed up until after 1AM doing laundry and ironing and didn't get up until 8:30. The kids proceeded to watch too much TV and I struggled the whole morning with some sort of allergy that made me sneeze constantly until I took my generic Claritin. I'm also rather down because we're still not pregnant. I was really hoping this would be the month but I guess it was not meant to be this time. I'm having a hard time with this among other things. When you tell someone that you don't use birth control they automatically assume that you're going to have a zillion kids. Well, that hasn't happened for us. We have three kids and have been married almost nine years. I've gone through periods where I've been nervous about having more but now I just want another baby so badly that God is revealing to me that I'm making it an idol in my life and I need to lay it down and trust in His loving providence. I feel I can't tell most of my friends around here my feelings about this because most would think that three kids is more than enough. To compound matters I have been caught in Satan's comparison trap for too long out here in the blogosphere. Let me try to explain. It seems that I constantly compare myself to fellow prairie muffins out there. I think I'm not good enough unless I have six or more kids. I get down when I hear people explain their homeschooling methods which are far more extensive and organized. I am even afraid to admit some of the things my family does (like watch too much TV for one) because I feel like a failure in that area. One more thing. I was reading Cindy's blog at Dominion Family and she had written a post about the proper care and feeding of infants. That sent many to comment. I was blown away that so many PMs use the methods that I once thought were no-no according to Babywise/GKGW. I'm realizing that there are many different families out there all using different methods but all striving to glorify the Lord in what they do and how they raise their children. The legalist in me so desires one method, one way of doing something that will always result in success. Note to self- THAT DOES NOT EXIST. (Goodness, why does a three year old have to struggle with turning her shirt around because it's on backwards!! Argh!!) The legalist in me also wants that so I have something to judge others by. O wretched woman that I am. Help. I need some encouragement. PLEASE!

Blessings.
Please feel free to comment by clicking on my name at the bottom of the post. I've been feeling rather lonely lately :(

MELANCHOLY MUSINGS

I've been down spiritually lately. It seems that once I start something I can't keep it going for more than 2 weeks or so. I started FlyLady but struggle to keep up with it. I'll start exercising or getting up earlier but can't keep it going for more than a month. I started this online bible study I've been talking about and I suddenly got uninspired after 13 days. What's up with me? I'm frustrated. So this morning I stumbled upon a hymnal my mom gave me. It's an old Episcopal hymnal from 1940. I never thought much about it until lately. There are some great hymns in there that are not sung today, at least in my Southern Baptist church. Some of my favorites that I've found were written by Frederick William Faber. I had come across his hymns before. Tozer quotes him several times in The Knowledge of the Holy and Piper quotes him in his books too I think. Reading through these old hymns and playing some on the piano really helped me this morning. Maybe they'll encourage you too.

My God, how wonderful Thou art,
Thy majesty how bright,
How beautiful Thy mercy seat,
In depths of burning light!

How dread are Thine eternal years,
O everlasting Lord,
By prostrate spirits day and night
Incessantly adored!

How wonderful, how beautiful,
The sight of Thee must be,
Thine endless wisdom, boundless power,
And aweful purity!

O how I fear Thee, living God,
With deepest, tenderest fears,
And worshipThee with trembling hope
And penitential tears!

Yet I may love Thee too, O Lord,
Almighty as Thou art,
For Thou hast stooped to ask of me
The love of my poor heart.

Amen.

Frederick William Faber, 1849

Blessings.

WHAT TO DO?

Last night I had to be up late to do laundry. I bet that's an activity a lot of y'all do late at night too :0) So thankfully there was something on the TV that could keep me awake instead of the usual late night fodder. On Monday nights ESPN has been showing the Grand Prix competitions in figure skating. I love skating, ever since I saw Scott Hamilton in that oh so fashionable blue and red suit in the '84 Games. I don't watch every skating show that's on but I have my favorites that I don't like to miss: Michele Kwan, Sasha Cohen, Paul Wylie, Kurt Browning and others. I love good skating. And last night there was some good skating. Three American men were competing at the NHK Trophy in Japan - Michael Weiss, Timothy Goebel and Johnny Weir. Now I could take or leave Michael Weiss. It's so annoying that after so many years on the senior level he cannnot hit a good triple axel. I like Timothy Goebel for his athleticism but last night was Johnny Weir's night. He came on the scene big time last year by winning the national championships. He has everything - jumps, finesse, spins, unusual choreography, and more. Unfortunately there's one thing that bothers me, he's obviously gay. There was a short fluff piece on him going shopping in Japan and it was pretty evident that he was gay. Of course this isn't the first figure skater who's gay and it won't be the last. Brian Boitano and Rudy Galindo come to mind. However, should that affect our enjoyment of their skating? I'm torn. As I watched his fabulous program last night I was overwhelmed with the beauty of it. Yes, his artistic quality was better than Kwan and Michele has earned more 6.0s in competition than anyone, ever. I loved the program and the artistry but was left shaking my head because the guy is obviously spiritually lost.

Any thoughts?


POLITICAL PILGRIM

I've had it up to here with politics. It's so frustrating. Two things. Bush appoints pro-choice, the constitution is a living document Gonzales as Attorney General. Then the Bob Jones III sends Bush a letter congratulating him on his victory and spurring him on to implement God's agenda. What is this guy sipping? The things I've read about Bush lately have made me very jaded and disappointed. Tonight on NPR's Market Place program the reporter was talking about how Bush had to be careful to craft policy in order to appease many different interest groups and demographics. PULLEASE!!!! Whatever happened to doing the right thing because it's the right thing and not taking a poll and not listening to myriad of advisors and focus groups. I'm sick of it. Really. I know those of you who voted for Peroutka will probably say I told you so, but it's really not that simple for me. Then I heard on the same program from a representative of a Republican pro-choice group who says that 80% of Republicans are really pro-choice. What! If that's true there's no hope for the GOP. Both parties are sick if you ask me. I'm even starting to get sick of Hannity and Rush. Just call me a political pilgrim. I'm looking for a place where honesty and forthrightness and sincerity still mean something.

Blessings.

FEASTING AT THE LORD'S TABLE

Sorry I haven't posted in almost a week. I've been really busy with something, something that has to do with transformation. I think in one of my previous posts I mentioned something about having a problem with bad eating habits. Well, a couple years back I was in a small group with some girls and a couple of them were doing an online bible study/accountability that had to do with food issues and weight management. I was intrigued but didn't think about it until recently. As I've been exploring this issue of holiness I've been convicted of my eating habits. Like I've said before, I'm not overweight but I've noticed recently that I've been more out of control with my eating habits than normal. Or maybe I've always been out of control to some extent and it hasn't shown up in my body until I was getting closer to 35. And definitely the Lord has opened my eyes to this sin that has been keeping me from a deeper intimacy with Him.

Anyway, the last week I've been doing this online bible study. It's put out by settingcaptivesfree.com. They have courses in overeating, substance abuse, pornography, etc. The wonderful thing is that you can do the course for free. You also get a mentor who has been through the course before and has been trained. I just finished day 9 and it's like layer after layer of stuff is being peeled off of me. I guess you could say the layers are like scales over my eyes. I realize that I go to food for things that food can never do for me. And I keep coming back just like the woman at the well kept coming back for another relationship but it never satisfied. I need to learn how to drink from the living water that Christ offers and promises will satisfy. Here's a quote from today's lesson -

Learn how to quench your thirst in Christ and you will also satisfy your soul hunger. I can tell you that drinking of the living water is so pleasing to the taste, and so filling, that it removes the need to eat sinfully.

I highly recommend this course if you are struggling with these issues. You can check out reviews at amazon.com. The man who wrote the course and developed it through his own weight and food struggles is a Calvinist and loves Piper, Spurgeon, etc. I'll write more later about this but won't make the blog into a blow by blow account of how it's going. The first phase of the course lasts 60 days. I'm on day 10. Pray for me. I want to really and truly believe that Jesus satisfies my deepest needs that up until now I have tried to medicate sometimes with food.

Blessings.

POST-ELECTION CONCERNS

Maybe you don't know how much I've struggled with voting this year. I learned some things about the President that were unsettling. Just to name a few: celebrating Ramadan in the White House, appointing an openly homosexual man as ambassador to Romania and recognizing his "partner", telling Charlie Gibson on GMA that Christians, Muslims and non-Christians all go to heaven, his increase in funding for Planned Parenthood, his vigorous support for pro-abortion candidate Arlen Specter who just today announced that he would oppose pro-life judicial nominees as chairman of the judiciary committee. I won't go into all the particulars concerning my struggles. I voiced my concerns to my DH and he still felt it Bush was the wisest choice. I supported my husband and voted for the President on Tuesday. I echo the sentiments of Doug Philips over at Vision Forum that we must pray for our President especially since he claims to be a Christian.

Something happened on Tuesday night that really disturbed me and I wish to share it with you. I think what happened on Tuesday represents a serious and troubling trend in the broader Evangelical community in this country. We had a homeschool meeting on election night. Before we started we opened up in prayer and one lady came up and wanted to pray a special prayer concerning the election. That was great. We all got on our knees which was even greater. Picture 30+ homeschool moms on their knees in prayer for the election. However, what this woman prayed sent up red flags in my spirit. She began to pray things that in a sense set George W. Bush up to nearly be the American Messiah. She said, "Lord, if you're not coming back soon then please re elect President Bush but if you are coming soon then let whoever wins, win." That was the basic gist of her prayers. I have sensed the same urgency from other believers. They are placing their hopes for America on George W. Bush. Last night at Wednesday dinner at our church one of our ministers got up to bless the food and said, "I hope your guy won last night." Everyone gave a loud cheer. I've gotten emails from friends who are so vigorous in their support for Bush that I think if he had lost they would have been devastated.

My friends, George W. Bush is not America's messiah. I see a disturbing trend in the church. I think we tend to latch onto any person popular culture or politics who claims to be a
Christian. We place our hopes in them to change this nation. "Yes," we say, "now we'll have influence because ____ is a Christian." I am tempted to feel this way anytime some Olympian thanks God for their victory. I was tempted to feel this way last week when I found out that Curt Schilling was a Christian. When George Bush announced during the primary debates in 2000 that Jesus was the person who most influenced him, the Christian community understandably was thrilled. To have a man who acknowledges the Lord's influence in his life be a contender for president was exciting. However, I think we have put the blinders on since then. I'm not saying the President isn't a Christian. I cannot look into his heart, only God can. I'm just saying that we need to look at his fruit. We also need that this our hope for reformation and revival in this country does not reside in a president. It resides in our Lord Jesus Christ, the King of Kings.

If we want to have influence for our Lord in this nation we need to get back to living holy lives before His face. Feel free to comment by clicking on my name at the end of the post.


Blessings

TRANSFORMATION

I think I should just quit saying at the end of blogs that I will write more tomorrow or some such empty promise. I know myself better than that! Anyway on to the serious stuff...

I think we all know what it means to be conformed to the world. That word implies that we take on the same shape and attitudes as the prevailing culture. Paul says in Romans 12 to not do that. So what do we do?? Isn't it amazing that if we just kept reading we would find the answer. The answer lies in one word -- transformation. I'll give you the dictionary.com definition just to be a geek.

transform-to change in nature, disposition, heart, character.

If we are in Christ we have already become new creatures. Romans 12:2 speaks of being transformed by the renewing of your mind. When we become Christians our old ways of thinking don't automatically go away. We are still often easily entangled by our sinful natures and bad habits (see Hebrews 12). Not being conformed and yet transformed, which I take to mean growing in holiness, requires more than just doing the opposite of your unbelieving neighbor. This is what Sproul is getting at in his book and what I believe his son and others at the Highland Study Center are striving to live out. We are to obey our Lord and live our lives in a way that goes beyond a list of dos and don'ts. It should look different and almost other worldly if I may say so. We are citizens of a different kingdom after all. The way we live should be infused with such a beautiful fragrance that people don't know where it's coming from. We shouldn't be taking the world's forms and then putting a Christian spin on it. That's not worthy of our great God. Our forms should reflect His beauty and holiness and grace and joy. This is what's going to set us apart. And this is why the apostle so wisely tells us to renew our minds. So that we can approve what the will of God is, His perfect and acceptable will.

How does this play our in real life? Well, I'll tell you one way I'm dealing with today and will be dealing with until I'm free from this body of death. Food. I said it. I love food. I love sugar. I love cookies and ice cream. And starch. Oh I love bread. I could go on but I don't want to bore y'all. Now if I had enough brains to be able to scan a picture of myself onto my blog you wouldn't guess that I had a problem with food. I'm an average height and weight. I've never been overweight in my life (not counting post pregnancy). But I have a problem with food. It has a grip on me. I eat for many other reasons besides hunger. I recently seriously admitted to God my problem and repented. I still have to go on repenting though. It's hard. I'm also realizing that I can't eat the way I used to now that I'm in my 30s. I'm not able to burn it off as quickly. But more importantly is this heart attitude that the Lord has graciously revealed to me. He wants me to be free of it. Holiness is His desire for me. "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything." 1 Corinthians 6:12 Here are the lyrics to a song by Wayne Watson that fit the topic today. If you don't know old Wayne Watson, it's really good. Pick up Watercolor Ponies, The Fine Line or Giants in the Land. Some of the instrumentals, heck all of them, are very 80s but the lyrics are good.

Consume me, resume the rule of me
I've made a fool of me for so long
Rebuild me, ablaze with holy fire
Be my one desire, be my song.

Sailing this unrighteous sea
All my hope is in You
Bright morning star, High King of Heaven

Holiness, holiness
O how my heart beats for Thee
Holiness, holiness
I want a heart that's promised to be
Consigned to purity.

Control me, console me when I fall
Lord after all I am but dust.
Retrieve me, receive these wandering hands
That I may stand before You just.

Lord be my vision and my light
To illumine my way
Strength to the weak, help of the helpless.

Holiness, holiness
O how my heart beats for Thee.
Holiness, holiness
I want a heart that's promised to be
Consigned to purity.

Blessings